A few weeks ago at the Jubilee Community Church in Asheville, George Fleming, “The Breakthrough Coach™”, inspired the congregation with a message about when a No is necessary to lead us to a bigger Yes.
Over the years coaching clients, (including many women over fifty) have often asked for my permission to say No. For example, a No to the belligerent boss or rancorous relative; a NO to others when you are feeling overwhelmed may be necessary to clear the way to the bigger Yes to self-care and self-love.
Many of us would love to say No more often than we do, but deny ourselves because we’re afraid of what others will think.
“I can’t say no! If I said no, it would mean I’m not a good person, I’m selfish, not a team player”, etc. But these are limiting beliefs that keep us feeling trapped and resentful, which in the long term will cause more harm to ourselves and others.
Saying No also creates space for something bigger and grandeur to enter our life, for nature abhors a vacuum. Saying No is taking a stand. We’re drawing the line in the sand. It’s empowering.
“No, I won’t tolerate that treatment any longer”.
“No, I won’t work overtime without compensation anymore”.
“No, it’s your turn to watch the kids while I take a bubble bath”.
To start the shift to more No’s, imagine the possibilities with the Yes’s that will surely follow. Imagine you’ve said No to whatever situation or person you want to. What’s your bigger Yes? Imagine that Yes. Speak that Yes. Really allow yourself to feel the feeling of Yes that would be possible because of your prior No.
Make a list of everything you get to say Yes to because you said No. Things like fun activities, more R&R, new and healthier relationships; happier feelings, like freedom, peace, or empowerment; improved health, more energy, etc.
Take some time out to listen to No. Practice. Get to your bigger “Yes” sooner versus later.
So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key. – “Already Gone” – The Eagles
Barbara’s experience includes more than 12 years coaching individuals and groups on transition issues in life and work, along with helping people release grief that can arise through loss due to any change.
She is the author of “Make the Right Move Now: Your Personal Relocation Guide”; is an abstract painter: www.barbarasabstracts.com, and interfaith minister: http://barbarasceremonies.com
Visit her website at www.mycoachbarbara.com and contact her to schedule a complimentary consultation.