Tag Archives: wrinkles

Pro’s and Con’s of Approaching the Dreaded 60 (in a little over 2 years)

JANE

1) I feel old.  My hair is gray, and there are wrinkles around my eyes and mouth.

2) I will never be a child prodigy on the guitar.

3) The white hairs on my chin might scare young children.

4) I will never win an Olympic gold medal in Volleyball, unless it’s a special competition or old farts.

5) My husband is looking a little older, too.

6) I need more sleep than I used to.

7) I can’t remember anything, especially not anything that happened recently.

8) People in the South say “Yes, Ma’am to me” and sometimes give me that “what a cute  little lady” look.

9) My parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents—all the people who inhabited my childhood world, and even ruled over it—are gone.  I will never see them again, and my children don’t even remember most of them.

10) My hands are starting to look like my mother’s hands.

 


PRO’S:

1) I am a much better judge of character than I was in my twenties and thirties.

2) My husband still looks younger than most people his age.  In fact, strangers think he’s my younger brother.

3) So what if I can’t remember anything?!  Unlike members of the younger generations, my life is preserved in diaries, postcards, letters, love letters, even telegrams—not an e-mail or text message in the bunch—and photo albums with actual pictures on paper (although there is a definite shortage of these starting with the year we purchased our first digital camera).

4) My children are no longer teenagers, at least 3 out of 4.  They are also full-grown (or close enough) and capable of surviving without their parents.

5) I know what I like/don’t like, who I am/am not, who I don’t ever want to be.  I’m past agonizing over my identity or beliefs.  My needs are simple: good people, good food, good laughs–and good sleep.

6) I have the courage to speak my mind out loud (that one took longer than some of the others), and I have great friends  (and 3 great sisters) who seem to value that.

7) I do not ever have to Tweet on Twitter, if I don’t want to—and I don’t want to.

8) I’m past being embarrassed about much.  (Old Fart volleyball tryouts, here I come!)

9) I know that life is too short to waste on any of the following:  t.v. ads, committee meetings, red lights after 12 midnight, liver, and cleaning my house more than absolutely necessary to prevent the spread of disease.

10) I always wanted to have hands like my mother’s, where you can see the veins.  To me, they looked like the picture of love and nurturing and hard work.

12)  I actually like my gray hair and laugh lines—it took hard work to earn them both.

13) I never wanted to be a child prodigy anyway.  It was too much fun playing “Kick the Can” or “Sardines” all summer.

Turns out the Pro’s outnumber the Con’s!  Who knew?!!!

Ask Johanna: Wrinkles

Dear Johanna, my face is turning into a mass of wrinkles. It’s as if I went to bed one night and woke up the next morning looking like a dried-up prune. Any suggestions?

Wrinkled in Wrenville

Dear Wrinkled,

First of all, I happen to like wrinkles, as I have previously stated in this column. I see them as badges of honor on the battlefield of life! However, if you insist on trying to get rid of them, here are some suggestions:

1) open your mouth wide and close it again, several times a day–that stretches the skin around your mouth

2) rub your cheeks with some kind of lotion before going to bed each night

3) and this is the best of all: get some congealed chicken fat and rub it on your skin–it does wonders for your skin and, even better, it really turns on men over 50 (who get excited over anything smelling like KFC).

Best of luck! Johanna

By the way, the chicken fat solution also works well for younger women–who are having trouble with engorgement while breastfeeding. I can testify that it works beautifully at rubbing away any hard, stopped-up places and gets the milk flowing. And babies like the taste!!!