Tag Archives: womenover50jokes

Laugh Lines: October 26th, 2011

A 56 year-old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near-death experience.

Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up?”

God answered, “No, you have another 40 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color.

Since she had so much more time to live, she thought she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit by a car and died immediately.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 40 years – why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the car?”

God replied, “I didn’t recognize you.”

WHITE BEACH MORNING GLORY

Laugh Lines: A Rare Medical Condition

A RARE MEDICAL CONDITION

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten or fifteen seconds.

The man went back to reading his book.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently.

Although assuming the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.  A few minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.

As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, “I couldn’t help but notice that you have sneezed three times, wiped your nose, and then shuddered violently.  Are you okay?”

The woman replied, “I am sorry if I disturbed you.  I have a rare medical condition.  Whenever I sneeze, I have an orgasm.”

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious and asked, “I have never heard of that condition before.  Are you taking anything for it?”

The woman nodded and said, “Yes, black pepper”.