This joke was sent to me by Betsy, one of our contributors, and I just had to share it. Apologies to all of you who have already heard it!!!
(as told by a woman)
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here’s how it all went.
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, “You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.”
Then we made passionate love all night long.
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and a mask over my eyes.
When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
Ok, for the last couple of days, Mercury has been retrograde. Personally speaking, if it gets any more intense in the heavens, I might have to join the “Baptists who Believe and Want Rapture to Happen Yesterday” (BBWRHY) church down the street. A friend recently told me about a quote he read…something about “Nothing can be done. And, nothing matters.” I think it was from Osho. I like it. And I find myself repeating it to myself throughout the day. You might want to do the same…just find something you like and resonate with.
Here are some suggestions to get you thinking:
“Don’t Worry, be Happy.”
“Everything is OK unless you think about it.”
“Through Chaos Stars are Born”
You get the idea, right?
What does mercury retro mean to you and me? Well, here is what my favorite astrologers at StarIQ have to say about it:
“Mercury, the planet of communication, short trips and details, appears to stop dead in its tracks on August 2 at 1 degree of Virgo. The planet then turns backwards in its apparent path through the zodiac. It stops again on August 26, then turns to resume its direct motion at 18 degrees of Leo.
Mercury turns retrograde three times a year, spending a bit more than three weeks in “reverse” gear each time. The retrograde cycle is due to the fact that we are viewing the planets from a moving platform, the Earth. The planets, in fact, do not actually change direction, but appear to do so from our perspective. This geocentric, or earth-centered, point of view is the basis for astrological measurements. In a sense, what you see is what you get.
What Does It Mean?
A retrograde planet is generally considered more introverted than when it’s in the normal direct motion mode. Astrologers have traditionally considered Mercury retrograde to be a time of difficulty in Mercury related endeavors like communication, travel and matters of detail. Some counsel the avoidance of launching new projects or signing contracts at this time. Glitches are considered more commonplace now, as are misunderstood or poorly delivered messages.
There are, fortunately, more optimistic views of what Mercury retrograde means. Rather than hunkering down in your bunker, this is a positive time to tie up loose ends, reconnect with people from the past, make mechanical repairs and get systems in order. This can also be a productive period for psychological review as new information can be gleaned from old experiences.
How Long Does It Last?
Mercury, the planet of communication, short trips and details, appears to stop dead in its tracks on August 2 at 1 degree of Virgo. The planet then turns backwards in its apparent path through the zodiac. It stops again on August 26, then turns to resume its direct motion at 18 degrees of Leo.
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of “cocktails”, “highballs” and just a good old-fashioned “stiff drink”. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them!
Once upon a time, a couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.”The wife answered, “Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.” The fairy waved her magic wand and POOF…2 tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands!The husband thought for a moment and then said, “Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than I.”
The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and POOF…
The husband became 85 years old.
The moral of this story is: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female!