Tag Archives: women crones

I Hate How America Looks at Aging

Jane I think I may have mentioned how much I hate it when young people in stores or restaurants  call me things like “sweetie” or “honey.”  And it isn’t even the term they use.  It’s more the way they say it.  Am I being paranoid to think that they say it more to me than to my husband?

It seems to me that, in this country at least, people have a warped view about people aging, in general, but  a doubly warped view about women in that phase of their lives.  I have trouble not making this kind of thought chain in my head:   we have a general fear about aging, therefore we are obsessed with looking young; and, since women tend to be the focus of any obsession around the subject of looks, we get especially scared about women losing their looks because that might mean that any one of the rest of us could also get old and eventually do the “d” word!

I’m sure it’s all tied up to our fear of death.  I’m wondering if it’s also tied to our fear of losing our mothers!  Who knows!  I’m probably getting too far afield here, but I know the following:  we don’t like death, and we don’t like aging.  We prefer for people to just go on looking young forever,  getting face lifts or competing in old-people sports events that make us all feel invincible.  old women in sports

And one manifestation of all this fear is that we apparently don’t like for women to have any dignity in old age, at least if our movies and tv shows are any indication!

Here’s my evidence:

1) Have you noticed the number of videos on YouTube that are of dancing grandmothers?    They are very popular and very embarrassing.

2) Have you noticed the way we portray aging women on television or in the movies?  I admit I liked the characters in The Golden Girls when that show was on tv, but the writers at least managed to keep things real even when portraying or creating some stereotypes.  But ever since then, it’s been downhill.

3) Please, save me from one more old female character in a movie or on a show who does any of the following:  a) flirts with a man a quarter of her age in a very sexy way b) does outrageous, physical things  that defy reality or c) has potty humor that isn’t funny.  It seems to me it’s mostly female characters that end up with this kind of script, but correct me if I’m wrong.  I’m just thinking of the painful moments on screen I’ve witnessed. Probably the one that sticks in my head the most is the horrible, terrible scene in The Wedding Singer with the rapping grandmother.  HELP!!!

4) When was the last time you went to a movie that portrays a grandmother (or grandfather, for that matter) who isn’t, what is that word everyone loves, oh, yeah, feisty? What happened to the stereotype that used to be in the movies, the Aunt Bee grandmother-type who bakes cookies and rocks babies to sleep?  We’ve replaced her with tough-talking, sarcastic old birds who live by themselves and chop their own wood or foul-mouthed, pot-smoking, “cool” grandmothers who love to make sexual innuendoes.

What I would give for one thoughtful, intelligent old woman, maybe even one with normal aches and pains.  She doesn’t have to be bedridden or dying or out of her mind.  She can just be a normal person, living life and showing the effects.

If Robert Redford can go off in a boat and be the only person on screen for an entire movie, let’s at least give Betty White ten minutes of dignity on the screen!  And let’s please please please come up with some better female role models for aging gracefully!



Oops50: Sadhvi’s Apple Charlotka


After realizing that I only spent 3 minutes, 10 times a day on FB, I decided to try and see how many “real” hours a day I was spending on the computer.  It turns out I average around 5 hours.  By stopping FB, I had only managed to cut out 3.5 hours per week.  Hmmm.

I thought it would be interesting to find out how I compared with my friends, and found out that working and retired people alike spend about the same amount of time, an average of 8.5 hours a day…reading books, watching YouTube, texting, answering emails, being in chat rooms, playing games, working…whatever.  Some were on for around 16 hours per day, while others were just on it an hour.

I am not trying to turn back the hands of time here.  I do realize this is the norm now, this being on the computer for hours and hours and hours.  I just realized that being on the computer has replaced and surpassed the amount of time spent watching TV.  I went to get my eyes examined the other day, and my eye Dr. told me that I should get a pair of glasses that I use just for the computer, to avoid eye strain, which I do have.

So since I can’t cut down much more, I can take breaks: baking, gardening, painting.

Apple Charlotka

Here’s a recipe from the Smitten site (one of the few food blogs that I like) that I have modified to make gluten-free.  I’ve also cut back the sugar a bit, and sprinkle some of it on top to get a bit of caramelized glaze on top.  You’ll see.  It’s easy, not too sweet, and very yummy. The original recipe calls for all-purpose flour, by the way, which of course you can use.

Sadhvi’s Apple Charlotka

Butter or nonstick spray, for greasing the pan

  • 6 large tart Apples, like a Granny Smith
  • 3 large Eggs
  • 1/2 cup Sugar
  • …and another 1/4 cup Sugar to sprinkle on top towards the end of the baking time in the oven
  • 1 t. Cinnamon
  • 1 teaspoon Vanilla extract
  • 1 cup of Pamela’s Baking & Pancake Mix (this replaces the flour, it is gluten-free, and, it tastes good!)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Line the bottom of a 9-inch springform pan with parchment paper.

Butter the paper and the sides of the pan.

Peel, halve and core apples, then chop them into medium-sized chunks.

Put the cut apples directly in the prepared pan.

Meanwhile in a large bowl, using an electric mixer or whisk, and beat eggs with sugar until thick.

Beat in vanilla, then add the cinnamon.

Now stir in Pamela’s Baking & Pancake Mix with a spoon until just combined. (The batter will be very thick.)

Pour batter over apples in pan, using a spoon or spatula to spread the batter so that it covers all exposed apples. (i.e. spread the batter and press it down into the apple pile. The top of the batter should end up level with the top of the apples.)

Bake in preheated oven for 45 minutes or so.

Then sprinkle that reserved 1/4 cup of sugar on top.

Bake another 5 minutes or so.

Now move the pan up a rack, and put on Broil.  (At this point, watch the cake to make sure it does not burn!)

When done, cool in pan for 10 minutes on rack, then flip out onto another rack, peel off the parchment paper, and flip it back onto a serving platter.

Eat plain, warm or at room temperature, with some whipped cream or sour cream on top to get fancy, if desired.


It's Good!

Sadhvi Sez: Good-bye FaceBook


I just deleted my FaceBook account, which oddly enough, was not so easy.  Actually my account will not really be deleted for another two weeks. FaceBook wants me to be sure, so that in case I change my mind and feel the urge to log in and see what any of my 597 “friends” are posting, then I will be “reactivated”.

You might be wondering, what prompted this?

Well, it’s been building up…this kind of feeling of wanting to pull the plug.

For starters, I hate that there is no privacy any more on the web, and especially with having a FaceBook account.  Then I recently got my yahoo account hacked into, which ticked me off, wondering why would anyone want to do this kind of thing?  And then during the Holiday season, I kept seeing ads for places I visited on the web and especially while on FaceBook.  And then there are my friends with smart phones: the reception is not the best, so either I can’t hear them, or they can’t hear me very well, and often we are cut off and that is the end of that “cool”connection!   Misspelled smart phone emails are so common-place that I seriously wonder if anything matters anymore.

Oh, and you and I can now be arrested without a warrant and put in jail indefinitely without a trial date.  This is to protect us from something…ummm, what was it again?  Oh yeah.  Terrorists.

So for me there are many reasons.  And if something feels very overwhelming, bothersome and not much fun for very long, and if I’ve had one too many constitutional rights taken away in the last couple of years, something has got to change!


So no more cool ways to connect for me.  Goodbye to Linkedin, to Google+, to all the other ways of connecting that I never could get into: Twitter, texting, & yes, Pinterest too.  God I feel better just writing this!

It’s time to spend less time on the computer, and more time with my dog and husband.  And doing things I love, like painting.

I will continue to write for Oops50 every Friday, and will do so until I no longer enjoy it.

I don’t have the boundless energy I once had, but I still have enough to draw and form boundaries of what is good for me and what isn’t.

Thank you menopause for making this all possible.

I think being a woman over 50 , a crone, an elder even, is going to be just fine.

Oh, in case any of my FB friends want to contact me, my email is:


Unmillo's Hibiscus