Tag Archives: Laugh Lines

Laugh Lines:: The Ostrich

The Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.

 
The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”
 
“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order.

 “That will be $9.40 please.”

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke…”

 
The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same…”

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change .

This becomes routine until the two enter again. “The usual?” asks the waitress.

“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,” says the man.


“Same,” says the ostrich.

 
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.”

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.


The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.

“Excuse me, sir.  How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?”

 
“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp.

When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.  My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress, “Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right, whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

The waitress asks, “What’s with the ostrich?”


The man sighs, pauses and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with a big bottom and long legs who agrees with everything I say” .

The moral of the story is: Be careful what you ask for!

Pharmacology

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of “cocktails”, “highballs” and just a good old-fashioned “stiff drink”. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

An Irishman, a Mexican, and a Blond Guy…

An Irishman, a Mexican, and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the

20th floor of a building.  They were eating lunch, and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and

cabbage!  If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this

building!”

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again!  If I get burritos one

more time, I’m going to jump off, too.”

The blond opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again!  If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped too.

The blond guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna sandwich, and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife was weeping.  She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!”

The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas!  I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife.  The blonde’s wife said, “Don’t look at me! He makes his own lunch!”