Tag Archives: funnyjokes

Laugh Lines: October 26th, 2011

A 56 year-old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near-death experience.

Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up?”

God answered, “No, you have another 40 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color.

Since she had so much more time to live, she thought she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit by a car and died immediately.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 40 years – why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the car?”

God replied, “I didn’t recognize you.”

WHITE BEACH MORNING GLORY

Oops50 Humor: A Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.”The wife answered, “Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.” The fairy waved her magic wand and POOF…2 tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands!The husband thought for a moment and then said, “Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than I.”

The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and POOF…

The husband became 85 years old.

The moral of this story is: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female!