Tag Archives: feeling overwhelmed

Am I Becoming More Tolerant or Less?

Annice
Annice

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been asking myself the same question over and over again, so I decided to just write about it hoping the answer will come to me.  As I age, and as a woman over fifty, am I becoming more tolerant or less?” That is the question.

I‘ve always considered myself a tolerant person, even compassionate at times. However, I’ve noticed a change in my being when confronted with people (friends, family, colleagues, strangers, cashiers, waiters, etc.) who try my patience.  I just don’t want to be terribly inconvenienced any more, and don’t like people wasting my time – or insulting my soul, because both are precious.

For example, if I have a doctor’s appointment at 3:30, I have to leave work early and basically hurry so I’m not late.  Then, I end up sitting there for over an hour before anyone acknowledges I’m next.  My response?  I’m angry (even though I’ve brought a great book to read) because on that particular day, I’ve got tons of work to complete and a major deadline.  The doctor and his staff do not seem to care at all.  I get annoyed and become intolerant. doctors office

Or, I get a call from a friend or client and have to inform them I can’t talk because I’m running off to an appointment and I’ll call them later.  And, guess what?  They keep talking as if they didn’t’ hear me.  So, I get annoyed and become intolerant.

Or, I’m waiting for a plumber at 8 a.m. and at 10:00 I’m still waiting.  I call the plumber and get no response.  I become intolerant.

It seems to me that I used to be more tolerant.  For example, I used to feel compassion for perpetrators of heinous crimes, because after all, aren’t they sick?  But, for example, after hearing about that hideous case in Cleveland where one man tortured, abused, and chained several young girls for almost a decade, I no longer feel the least bit of compassion for such criminals.  I just feel like they deserve to die.  So when that criminal was found dead in his cell, I felt it was a perfect ending for him.

So, I guess I’m just becoming less tolerant after all?  What about you?

The Power of NO!

Barbara Brady
Barbara Brady

A few weeks ago at the Jubilee Community Church in Asheville, George Fleming,  “The Breakthrough Coach™”, inspired the congregation with a message about when a No is necessary to lead us to a bigger Yes.

Over the years coaching clients, (including many women over fifty) have often asked for my permission to say No.  For example, a No to the belligerent boss or rancorous relative; a NO to others when you are feeling overwhelmed may be necessary to clear the way to the bigger Yes to self-care and self-love.

Many of us would love to say No more often than we do, but deny ourselves because we’re afraid of what others will think.

“I can’t say no! If I said no, it would mean I’m not a good person, I’m selfish, not a team player”, etc.  But these are limiting beliefs that keep us feeling trapped and resentful, which in the long term will cause more harm to ourselves and others.

No-Button-Buffalo-NY-thumb

Saying No also creates space for something bigger and grandeur to enter our life, for nature abhors a vacuum.  Saying No is taking a stand.  We’re drawing the line in the sand. It’s empowering.

“No, I won’t tolerate that treatment any longer”.

“No, I won’t work overtime without compensation anymore”.

“No, it’s your turn to watch the kids while I take a bubble bath”.

To start the shift to more No’s, imagine the possibilities with the Yes’s  that will surely follow.  Imagine you’ve said No to whatever situation or person you want to.  What’s your bigger Yes?  Imagine that Yes.  Speak that Yes.  Really allow yourself to feel the feeling of Yes that would be possible because of your prior No.

Make a list of everything you get to say Yes to because you said No. Things like fun activities, more R&R, new and healthier relationships; happier feelings, like freedom, peace, or empowerment; improved health, more energy, etc.

Take some time out to listen to No.  Practice.  Get to your bigger “Yes” sooner versus later.

So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key. – “Already Gone” – The Eagles

 

 

Barbara’s experience includes more than 12 years coaching individuals and groups on transition issues in life and work, along with helping people release grief that can arise through loss due to any change.

She is the author of “Make the Right Move Now: Your Personal Relocation Guide”; is an abstract painter: www.barbarasabstracts.com, and interfaith minister: http://barbarasceremonies.com

Visit her website at www.mycoachbarbara.com and contact her to schedule a complimentary consultation.

Sadhvi Sez: OK, I get it.

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On top of feeling like a crone (which I am), a lot of stuff seems to be happening to those I love and the planet.  How is one to cope with it all?  I mean, the town that some dear friend’s of mine (Tosh and Garima) live in was destroyed by a 1000-year-flood (Lyons, Colorado), another friend who is just one year older than me found out he has a couple of weeks to live after going in to the doctor’s to see about a bump on his head, if I think of the economy I get really nervous, and and and.

I try to not be negative, I really do.  And even when I think I am helping the planet by sending FB friends a petition to sign that I feel might make a difference, it can backfire:

“Please STOP sending me all of these causes…. Thank you I have my own causes….. I have unfriended you and still I am getting them….. because I am a friend of a friend of mine…. I am so sick of being bombarded with every bad piece of news out there ….people are just going numb ….to it all…. Everyone knows that everything is f—-d,,,, I think its time to start spreading a little joy instead of all of this fear……”

Ajita, I truly am sorry, and I get the cosmic message because I won’t be sending out any more petitions to be signed to stop Monsanto, have GMO’s labeled, or to try to get the world governments to join in to help the Fukishima disaster, I promise!

Instead, I am going to start to write posts with things that I am liking, and not just my favorite lipstick (which used to be Chanel because of the way it glided on my lips, plus the smell was a wonderful, subtle rose frangrance but is now some weird smell that makes me feel like I’ve put some sort of cheap air freshener on – yuck!).

It’s funny, but when I started writing for this blog many years ago, I was only going to share what makes me happy.  I guess I started to get a little too personal; call it the “FB” sydrome of thinking I should “share” everything.  It’s a sickness and I know the cure.

So what am I liking right now?  It’s the 21-Day Mantra Meditation Journey with Deva Premal and Miten.  I have loved singing since way back when we went to Catholic mass every week.  I can’t think of anything that I would rather be doing.  Chanting to the divine is just, well, divine, and I had forgotten about it and the places it takes me.

Take a look at the clip below, and if you’re interested, click here to jump in.

Thank You Deva and Miten!

OM

Sadhvi Wonders: How Do You Unwind?

SADHVI

I am trying to keep up.   No, I take that back: I am done with trying to keep up.  At this point, I am just doing the best I can.

I did have a good excuse in getting behind in my garden this year because, yes, Asheville officially got more rain SO FAR this year than Seattle gets in A YEAR.  And we got 10 inches just in the first week or so of this month, July.  And over an inch an HOUR on the 4th of July. I think that makes us an official rain forest with now over 50 inches of rain!  So planting starts and seeds was almost impossible with the soil in the raised beds looking and acting like soup.

Talk about how the weather affects my mood, well, all I can say is that for those weeks (yes, weeks) that it rained and rained (and rained) I was not feeling very happy.  I almost moved back to Cleveland.  Oh wait.  They were having the same weather!

I am very grateful that the rain stopped, the rivers didn’t overflow, and that we have a good roof and excellent french drainage thanks to the genius and hard work of my Swiss husband.  Oh, I did become a born-again Christian though, because the rain stopped as I got down on my knees to pray!

When the sun finally did come out, it felt kind of weird.  After not seeing the blue sky for a very long time, I couldn’t believe how much I had missed it; so much so that I had to take a picture of it:

Blue Sky

Besides being grateful for every singe day, I am seeing that things always work out, that letting-go and trusting is a good thing,  and that this is the new normal so I can stop whining about how it is so intense, etc.

I am also seeing how much of a baby I am if the sky isn’t blue and sunny all the time.  I mean, the ice caps are melting fast, it’s getting harder and harder to vote in my state, and now we can’t even protest anything that we don’t like in this country because it’s a crime, and I am feeling depressed about the weather?

So out of necessity, I’m making time each day to disappear: into my garden, to lay down on the floor with my feet up, to write a letter, to put gold dots on the new batch of business cards, to read a book, or to bake.

Carolina turned 17 this past month, and I wanted to make her something special.  I knew she would appreciate a cake with lots of layers and chocolate icing and frozen, ground up peanut butter cups between each layer and on top.
And she did!  I found out that while I do like to bake, sometimes, it takes a little practice to make such a cake.

The next time I make the “Smith Island Cake” it will look like the one below (click on the picture to get the recipe that I used):

Smith Island Cake

So while everything seems to be crazy and getting crazier, I like to spend more and more of my time in my own world.

I’m just wondering, how do you unwind?  Let me know when you get a moment.

Lots of Love,

Sadhvi

Brilliant Light and Daisy’s Return

Sadhvi Sez: Being in Love with Nature

SADHVI

I don’t know what is going on lately, but the more I try to keep up with what’s going on in the world, the more I find myself going inside.  It’s not that I don’t care about people and things that are newsworthy, it’s just that I think I’m at the point of screaming, “Uncle!”

Thankfully, Spring has arrived here.  Interestingly enough, the plant growth rate seems to be very rapid this year.  I mean, the mint just started to come up a week or so ago, and now it’s a foot high where I haven’t pinched any off for the rabbits.  Everything seems to be growing so quickly.  The cilantro that overwintered is bolting; the nettle is almost 3 feet high; the rhubarb is flowering already.  Hmmm.

While taking my evening walk with my dog tonight, I was aware that today is “Earth Day”.  I looked around at the green growth that was everywhere, and I felt so much joy.  Even though it was a busy day with work, I knew that this is the last week to plant poppy seeds, and I had saved some bachelor buttons from last year, the blue ones, and those needed to get in the ground.  Then I have to move a couple of rose plants that are spaced a bit too close together, and…then I smelled something that made me smile:  plum blossoms!  It’s such a unique smell that reminds me of the way my grandmother, Mabel Carter, who is long dead, used to smell.  Then I needed to get some compost and when I rounded the corner, I smelled the sweet shrub that had opened drifting in the air, just like a ripe melon!

MY OLD SWISS GNOME
SPRING APPLE MINT

So yes, the world will go on getting more and more insane.  That’s fine.  I am drawing a line in the ground: I am going to start to feed Sadhvi what she likes.  It’s time.  Funny when I opened the mailbox and saw that my TIME magazine subscription was about to run out, you know what, I tore it in half and threw it in the trash on my way to feed and water the chickens.

 

“When the world wearies and society ceases to satisfy, there is always the garden.” 
Minnie Aumonier


PIE CHERRY BLOSSOMS
SPRING CHICKENS