If Only For a Second


As a young woman I mostly remember feeling too fat, too rubinesque, too tall, too feminine… I was an independent and carefree spirit who didn’t need anyone to be happy on this planet and looking so striking made me nervous.

Looking back at the pictures of my youth, I see a stunning and beautiful smiling face looking at the camera, always laughing and having a good time.

Now that I’m older I feel more vain and aware of my looks, as if what is left of my “beauty” is fading fast.

It’s kind of ridiculous really.

Take a look at the clip below, please.  It’s from the Mimi Foundation.

I cried and cried because here I am, feeling vain about my youthful beauty that I never appreciated, while the women and men who have lost their hair and their carefree existence thanks to cancer, have nothing to look forward too.

Young Sadhvi
Young Sadhvi

And then I cried some more because I’ve recently lost my dear Aunt Ellie to cancer, and Frannie, and Melinda’s mom…and I just have to accept that I need to fall apart once in a while.  I like to cry, and have been finding it hard to let go lately.

So I’m drying my eyes and I’m feeling more fragile and more human and more thankful for this gift called life.

Because that is exactly what it is – a present every single day.

Thank You to those at the Mimi Foundation for doing this project.


About Sadhvi

Sadhvi's trying to find the balance in life over 50 without having any surgery, taking any pills, or killing anyone. She doesn't want to look or feel the way she felt when she was 20 or 30. Trusting that everything is really OK unless you think about it helps her make it through each day. Also realizing that nothing can be done, and, that nothing matters really helps. Gardening (and weeding), poppies and flowers, painting on things, baking, and sharing on Oops50 helps to make it all right too.

10 thoughts on “If Only For a Second

  1. @Sal: @Geri: @Janet: @Jane: thanks for the compliments on beauty…truly want to let you all know that i am getting it…and only getting old could make this happen: it’s inner beauty, and it’s all fleeting!

  2. You will always be beautiful in my eyes. Not only that, you have a beautiful heart and share it with everyone you meet. Love yourself as I love you. The video made me cry because we lost so many friends this year who had cancer and are no longer with us. Good memories of them.

  3. @everyone: Thanks for your compliments. I wonder if you all watched the clip at the end? I mean, the people who have lost their hair and their joy because of cancer, and I’m feeling old? Attention!!! It’s all too precious, this life…

  4. You are beautiful & were beautiful–the changes are hard–but the saving grace is it happens to us all!! Thanks for sharing!!

  5. Sadhvi, I know what you mean…it’s all about not taking it all for granted. Enjoyed reading it and watching the clip. And yes, I cried too.

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