First Week with Food!

new-jane-42Okay, so here’s the new me at 55.5 pounds lighter and still counting!  I thought it was a good time to change the standard photo!

This was the first week with food in my mealplan, and I got to eat dinner each day!  I have to say that my first dinner of four ounces of broiled chicken and 1/2 cup steamed kale was one of the most delicious meals I’ve ever had in my entire life.  My husband served it to me on china,  so that made it even better.  I never realized that my teeth actually missed the sensation of chewing.  It had been a while.  How glorious to sink my teeth into chicken and chew and chew and chew!chicken-on-plate

This week, in my program,  we talked about some of the problems people have once they start eating again after being on liquids for so long.  Believe it or not, it’s actually easier being on liquids, since you don’t have to think about food at all, meaning – you don’t have to make any choices.  To me, the transition felt a little like opening Pandora’s Box.  Some of my old, bad habits reappeared this week.  For example, I went out to eat with some friends–at a restaurant–where they ordered some great-looking hors d’oeuvres, and I slipped off the plan, almost without thinking.  Here’s how it happened:  after I finished eating my little 4 ounces of chicken, I found myself obsessing on their food covered in delicious-looking sauces.  I finally tried a bite, and it made me want to jump across the table and eat their entire plate of fried tofu.  No kidding.  So, I had another little bite. 

fried_tofu_2

Suddenly, things felt out of control and scary.  The experience made me realize that, no matter how succcessful I’ve been on this program and no matter how much I think I’ve changed, I am going to have to work at this my whole life. I can’t ever return to unconscious eating.  There’s a monster in me–an overeater– a social monster at that.  When I’m with friends and laughing and having a good time, the monster  joins me at the table.  So, unlike people who don’t  have what I would consider my “eating disorder,” I have to be doubly conscious all the time about what I’m putting in my body, and I really can’t ever relax and just go with the flow, at least not now.  And the good news is that I am mindful of all that.bluemonster350px

The worst I did this week was eat two or three pieces of fried tofu when I shouldn’t have, so I can forgive myself for that.  But there was a chasm there, and it was frightening to discover how easily fI could fall right back into it.  In fact, there are all sorts of sirens sitting on the rocks, calling me in!  It was  worth it to eat the tofu because it helped me figure out some important things about myself.  It’s like being a member of AA.  The first step, after all, is admitting you’re an alcoholic.  I am here to admit to the world that I am an overeater.  No more joking about it.  No more going on diets on and off – up and down –  rollercoastering my way through life.  This is it.  From here on out, I am determined to be a conscious, careful eater, no matter what.  After all, it’s my life – my choice.

11 thoughts on “First Week with Food!

  1. Thank you, Ans! I’m finally getting around to replying to all these great comments. It’s an uphill journey. I was hoping I could get off my dratted sleep/breathing machine, but that’s not to be for now. Oh well. Onward and upward. Jane

  2. HI Jane,
    I haven’t seen you in some time and you look amazing. I too understand the our of control eating monster. Keep moving forward one meal at a time and lots of blessings.

    Diane

  3. From Holland I want you to know that I am so proud of you! This new picture is a whole NEW YOU. You look great. Not getting older but getting better!!! Go on.

  4. Jane, you look beautiful! Congratulations. It’s not the same, but I gave up coffee three weeks ago. Hard to live without it. But I’m trying to. And trying to get control of how much I drink. When I’m ready, I’ll go back to breakfast coffee and hope to keep it at that. Thought I’d share this little struggle of mine with you…

  5. Jane–Your picture looks great! For me, though, what meant even more was what you are learning and those are hard lessons to stomach (so to speak). Keep up your good consciousness.

  6. Dear Katina, I would love to talk to you when you are out here. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this helpful e-mail. I really appreciate it! Jane

  7. Hello Jane,
    I’ve been reading your experience with this liquid diet and now getting back to eating real food and I just wanted to put something out there to you.

    I have been over 200lbs about four times in my life.
    My whole life has been about dieting, roller coasting up and down.
    Then, about two years ago I hit upon this diet..I did it for about 10 days, stopped , went back, stopped and started figuring out different ways to make it fulfilling and satisfying. I am now at my lowest weight and have been here for about a year or more.
    Good luck with the way you are getting back into eating real food and I really do mean that. However, if for any reason, you find some difficulty with your program and you need some help, I would be more than happy to share with you my own way of eating now and the best thing about this way, is after 3, 4, or 5 days, I go off of it for a few days, eating what I want (and it does get easier to control the amounts) but the key is…I always go back on my program for those few days. I can tell you what to buy, what to make and how to get to your desired goal. I am a very good friend of Sadhvi’s and I’ll be coming out there to see her before August.
    This is free advice for you and it’s available if you want it.
    You look great! And congratulations on your weight loss. That took a lot of discipline!

    Best regards
    Katina

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *