Ask Johanna

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Dear Johanna:
When I went to the doctor for my annual physical, he described my breasts as “pendulous.”  I know I’ve had a lot of children and maybe I’m a little saggy, but “pendulous”?! Should I be offended?

Drooping with Despair in Delaware

Dear Droopy,
At our age, pretty much everything has given in to gravity, unless you’re wealthy enough for multiple lifts!  But don’t waste your time being offended.  Consider your swinging breasts a metaphor for your glorious, hip, swinging self!  Celebrate yourself!  Swing those babies!  And, at your next appointment, knock the doctor in the head with the right one!

Dear Johanna:
I used to have feeling in my breasts, but since the birth of our last child, I haven’t been able to feel anything, no matter what.  At first I thought it was just something temporary—and that feeling would return over time.  But, after fifteen years, I’m worried.

Numb in Nantucket

Dear Numb:
It took you 15 years to write this letter?  How many kids did you say you have? Since you obviously have more than one, and you probably breastfed each one for a while, I’d say don’t be worried.  Join the other aging La Leche League members walking around with a pair of leather tassels dangling in front. Your numb nipples are a badge of honor. Repeat after me:  I did it for their immune systems and their jaw development!

Dear Johanna:
I wear a size 44 DD, and, over time, I have developed deep, painful ridges in my shoulders.  Any suggestions?

Hurting in Hannover

Dear Hurting:
Have you considered boob reduction?  Only kidding.  I have a friend who shares your problem, and she has found that cutting out the really ugly shoulder pads from jackets—the ones made to make you look like a quarterback for the Giants—and placing them under the straps, can help relieve the pressure.  Either that or go braless.  (Imagine the potential for embarrassing any teenaged children/nephews/nieces you might have!)

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4 thoughts on “Ask Johanna

  1. My ” grand tetans” are going to the mesa’s of our grand state of new mexico. I have to comment on my sister’s question on spanx bras. I have 3 and believe me you don’t know you have a hooter hanger on, truly! the price is a little high but after tryng one I bought 2 more, TRY THEM! QVC( I am one of the queens of this network) has them for a good price and sometimes gives you easy pay.
    Nedra from Albq

  2. I, too, have the large boob problem….and have found that there ARE some bras out there that, if fitted properly, will not do the ridge-torture on the shoulders that we well-developed women are prone to. BraSmyth.com (has stores in NYC and web purchase; Macy’s carries Paramour (awesome fit and somewhat visually reducing); Also check out the newest one from Playtex which is supposed to do for full breasts what the angel bra did for those lucky enough to fit into Victoria Secret sexy bras. By the way, none of the above look like architectural bohemoths!

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