Comments on: Losing My Father, Age 94

By: Annice

Annice — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 14:36:39 +0000

Thank you, Char! It’s great to hear from you–and to hear your comments. Please keep coming back! How about writing something for us? Jane

By: Jane

Jane — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 14:34:50 +0000

Janice, of course I know you! Thank you for your kind words. I’m so glad you like the blog. Jane

By: Janice

Janice — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 23:12:40 +0000

Jane, thank you for sharing your father with us. Your writing is so clear and so full of heart.

Annice told me about this blog and I recognized you. My husband used to work with your husband about ten years ago. We commiserated when the Germans came to town.
Take care.
Janice

By: Charlotte Adamis

Charlotte Adamis — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 11:02:45 +0000

Jane, your writing, as always, is so honest and beautiful. The stranger in Berlin story grabbed me – what a connection btw your 7-year-old self and your self now – losing your beloved father. I don’t know why we are conditioned to believe that just because we are older, just because someone else is older that, somehow, death should be a lighter affair. Love to you, my friend – and congrats on this wonderful new venture!!
Char

By: Jamie

Jamie — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:08:44 +0000

Jane,

This is beautifully written. No need to say more.

By: Kathy

Kathy — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 23:53:31 +0000

Jane, That was beautiful. Just like you. I was deliberating about whether or not to call my father for Father’s Day (you know the background) and picked up the phone part way through your piece. If this were a screenplay, he’d have picked up and I’d have a sweet story to leave here. Since it’s real life, he wasn’t home and he doesn’t have an answering machine. But I have put notes all over the house to remind myself to try again before I go to bed tonight. Hang in there. Lots of love,
Kathy

By: Jane

Jane — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 16:10:58 +0000

That’s a great quote, Gwendie. Thanks for sharing that with the blog. Jane

By: Jane

Jane — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 16:10:12 +0000

Pam, I love hearing from you. Thank you for this. It means a lot to hear this from you. Jane

By: Annice

Annice — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 02:18:57 +0000

I just wanted to say that when Jane first decided to write about her father she hesitated. She felt our blog was only two issues old and she didn’t want to write a downer so soon. We all said, you’ve got to be kidding. You just lost your father and we want out blog t be authentic. We’re over 50 and we can speak the truth without worrying what others think. Everyone’s responses proved us right.

By: Pam

Pam — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 22:47:40 +0000

Jane, thanks for writing this. It knocked me out. I lost my father forty years ago, and it never goes away. Every death takes me back to it; my mother’s, my older brother’s. And every big political event. I cried for both of my parents when Obama won because they would so have loved it, would have been so blown away to have it happen in their lifetimes. Lost my beloved mother-in-law just a couple years back, when she was 94, after several years in a nursing home, a stroke that took her so far away from us, that she felt, like you say of your father, almost already gone. I still miss her, and I try to turn that longing for her and my own parents into attending better to those who are with me now. But it feels good and right to grieve for the ones who are gone, for all of them. We should be crying and breaking down. It’s the right and human thing to miss one another and to remember who we are.
So thanks for this.
Pam

By: Sydney

Sydney — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 19:53:39 +0000

Wow Jane -

How deep, insightful, searing and truthful your article was….. I cannot wait to meet you and give you a HUGE hug.

My tears ran for you today.

By: Jane

Jane — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 19:08:46 +0000

Dear Sally, Lisa, Ginny, and Nedra, thank you all so much for your wonderful comments. Doing this blog is really fun! It’s great to meet you all through your writings. And Sally, we love your daughter! Jane

By: gwendie

gwendie — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 19:08:05 +0000

Jane, your piece about your father was so touching. It reminds me of a friend who says that when both our parents are gone it “leaves us naked to the universe.” Strange how even though we’re over 50, and may have taken over a lot of “parenting” from our parents, we still feel like we are 5 when Momma dies, or Daddy dies. And it is scary to be naked to the universe.

By: Jane

Jane — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 19:06:35 +0000

Dear Deborah,
I thought of you when I was writing it–since we had fathers with similar personalities, I believe! Thanks, babe. Jane

By: nedra valdez

nedra valdez — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 16:21:39 +0000

Dear Jane, your tribute to your father was beautiful and it touched my heart deeply. He would have been very proud, see, he raised you right! we all mourn different but it seems you are on the right path, mixing the memories up through out your life is a “happy” thing and one day soon you will be smiling at all the great memories, these are things that the lucky ones have, just like you! By the way I also like you pic! thinking of you Nedra in Albq

By: Jane

Jane — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 15:51:32 +0000

Thank you, Tisha. I’m following your advice–I don’t seem to be able not to! Love to you. BJ/Jane

By: Jane

Jane — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 15:50:21 +0000

Dear Sirpa, how exciting to hear from you. Thank you for your sweet comment. And thank you for reading our blog! Jane

By: Ginny

Ginny — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 11:32:41 +0000

I, too, shed memory tears this morning…your father’s journey paralleled my mother’s journey in so many ways..she was my best friend, my mentor…I loved her dearly…
and as I gaze into my grandaugher’s adoring eyes I see mom’s love reflected…I smile and feel blessed…Thanks for sharing such beautiful prose…

By: Lisa

Lisa — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 02:26:49 +0000

I’d just said, “Leave the computer.” With a headache beyond repair… I knew I wouldn’t get back to the machine till morning… BUT since Annice’s blog & buddies buzzed over my way, I opened it immediately. I wasn’t going to read, but because it was about a father… I was hooked. I still have my father. He is 76 and feeling his mortality daily. He so appreciates me now. It wasn’t so during the middle of our lives together. I moved back to the home town to be closer. When I read this I teared up fast and thick. I feel for all of you who have lost yours already… and I feel for the days I’ll spend later on… without him. I lost a brother. I know loss. Not a day goes by I don’t grieve. It just is what it is… Thank you for sharing your soul. Thank you for stopping me and moving me into silence, into what is real, into what is important. Thank you for your clarity and communication which goes down like an expensive wine. Smooth.

By: Deborah Morgenthal

Deborah Morgenthal — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 21:01:40 +0000

Dear Jane,

What a lovely remembrance. I could share what you wrote about. The story about you at seven, mistaking a stranger for your daddy, was so vivid, my stomach bunched up. Losing first mom and then dad is a life-altering experience that, I find, changes over time, but the loss is there, reminding me of how short our little minute on earth is. Hug your children and your hubbie tight! I hope to see you soon.

Love,

Deborah

By: Sally Markusic

Sally Markusic — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 19:02:00 +0000

It is the memories and warm tears that we shed that will get us thru a tough times like this one.

No matter how long someone is with us – when death comes it is really hard – enjoy the memories.

Hugs Sally (Sadhvi’s mom)

By: Sirpa

Sirpa — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 18:04:23 +0000

Dear Jane

I´m so sorry for your loss. Your parents were wonderful – I will always remember the warmth and hospitality I got to enjoy in your home many many years ago.

You write beautifully. My dad died at the age of 58 – I was 28 then. It doesn’t matter when or where it happens: the world is a different place after that.

My thoughts are with you

Love, Sirpa

By: Tisha

Tisha — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 14:46:10 +0000

Oh, Jane. I’m so sorry for your pain. I’m sure your father had a wonderful sense of humor, because you certainly do!

My father died at age 93 a few years back, and I also felt like a little child when he was gone. It made the pain of my mother’s death fresh again, too, although she’s been gone for over 20 years.

I’ll be thinking about you. When you feel it come over you, my advice is to have a good cry. Brief, but good. Worked for me.

Big hug,

Tisha

By: Jane

Jane — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 14:25:09 +0000

Thank you very much, Helen. I’m especially pleased you like my picture!! Yaay! Jane

By: Helen

Helen — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 14:19:15 +0000

Dear Jane – I was not prepared to cry first thing in the morning – damn – I’m so sorry – it brought my father’s death back to me so strongly. (And that’s a VERY adorable picture of you, btw) –

x H