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    Posts Tagged ‘women humor’


    Laugh Lines: A Rare Medical Condition

    Saturday, February 12th, 2011

    A RARE MEDICAL CONDITION

    A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.

    The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten or fifteen seconds.

    The man went back to reading his book.

    A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently.

    Although assuming the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.  A few minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.

    As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

    Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, “I couldn’t help but notice that you have sneezed three times, wiped your nose, and then shuddered violently.  Are you okay?”

    The woman replied, “I am sorry if I disturbed you.  I have a rare medical condition.  Whenever I sneeze, I have an orgasm.”

    The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious and asked, “I have never heard of that condition before.  Are you taking anything for it?”

    The woman nodded and said, “Yes, black pepper”.

    Laugh Lines:: The Ostrich

    Monday, October 4th, 2010

    The Ostrich

    A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
    The waitress asks them for their orders.

     
    The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”
     
    “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

    A short time later the waitress returns with the order.

     ”That will be $9.40 please.”

    The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

    The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke…”

     
    The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same…”

    Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change .

    This becomes routine until the two enter again. “The usual?” asks the waitress.

    “No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,” says the man.


    “Same,” says the ostrich.

     
    Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.”

    Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.


    The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.

    “Excuse me, sir.  How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?”

     
    “Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp.

    When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.  My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

    “That’s brilliant!” says the waitress, “Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

    “That’s right, whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

    The waitress asks, “What’s with the ostrich?”


    The man sighs, pauses and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with a big bottom and long legs who agrees with everything I say” .

    The moral of the story is: Be careful what you ask for!

    Laugh Lines: Puppetji vs. Meditation

    Saturday, September 11th, 2010

     

    I started meditating in 1979 I guess, and have tried to find that space since then through love, laughter, friends, painting, gardening, and of course food.  I saw this little video of Puppetji and laughed…I hope you do too!

    Oops50 Humor: My answer to this unbearable heat!

    Thursday, June 24th, 2010

    Sadhvi

    I know this one has been around for a while, but, I love to watch this ad for Evian. And since it is so damned hot where I live, I can’t help but think this is going to be how I dress when I have to go out. I think diapers with a little t-shirt might be the only way I can survive this heat wave if it continues!

    An Irishman, a Mexican, and a Blond Guy…

    Monday, March 8th, 2010

    An Irishman, a Mexican, and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the

    20th floor of a building.  They were eating lunch, and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and

    cabbage!  If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this

    building!”

    The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again!  If I get burritos one

    more time, I’m going to jump off, too.”

    The blond opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again!  If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”

    The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

    The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped too.

    The blond guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna sandwich, and jumped to his death as well.

    At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife was weeping.  She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!”

    The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas!  I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”

    Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife.  The blonde’s wife said, “Don’t look at me! He makes his own lunch!”

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