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    Posts Tagged ‘oops50humor’


    Women Elder Sharing Romance Tips: Finding Mr. Right

    Sunday, July 24th, 2011

    SADHVI

    I wanted to share my secret to eternal youth this week, but I couldn’t think of one.  Then I thought I could let you in on how at the age of 53, I’ve invested wisely and am now retired, except that this is not the case.

    So instead I’m going to share something that I think is pretty interesting.  I was looking at the data collected from GoogleAnalytics, a free service from Google that shows which key words people are punching into their search boxes, and how many of them there are.  What I discovered is that the majority of people using the web are trying to find their perfect mate!  Uh oh, wait!  I think that also includes porn sites.  Geez.  I shouldn’t be surprised, since just about all of my single friends use online dating these days.  I even have friends who tell me, “I’ve got to find time to get on Match.com!”.

    If only they realized that their type of “Mr. Right” is not anywhere but between the pages of a book.  Because having been in a relationship for over 25 years with the same partner, I can attest that it ain’t like what these single friends are yearning for.  It is not necessarily bad, it just isn’t romance every day!

    MR. RIGHT THERE ALL ALONG

    If I were looking, I definitely wouldn’t look for a potential relationship online!  They pick the picture themselves and they write things that make them appear like they are auctioning themselves off on the block!

    If I were looking for love, I would join a tango class, or a bowling league, or maybe just go the library and get some Harlequin romance novels and drift away in a comfortable chair.  Or just order online at my favorite book site: Better World Books.  A much better company than Amazon to support, by the way.

    Here’s a quote from a summer read that I recently picked up (no pun intended).  Let me know if you agree with me that reading about romance might be better than an actual relationship.  It’s cheaper. There is no compromise.  When your heart gets broken, vicariously of course, it will be better by the end of the book.

    Enjoy!

    Sadhvi

    He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow and guided me into a room – his room.

    Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.  He approached me soundlessly, from behind

    and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear,

    “Just relax.”

    Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong,
    calloused hands start at my ankles – gently probing and

    moving upward along my calves – slowly, but steadily.

    My breath caught in my throat.

    I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn’t care.

    His touch was so experienced, so sure.

    When his hands moved onto my thighs, I gave a slight
    shudder and partly closed my eyes.

    My pulse was pounding.

    I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage.

    And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands,

    I inhaled sharply.

    Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted – he brought

    his hands to my shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine and into my panties.

    Although I knew nothing about this man – I felt oddly trusting and expectant.

    This is a man, a man used to taking charge.

    A man not used to taking ‘no’ for an answer.

    A man who would tell me what he wanted.

    A man who would look into my soul and say,

    “Okay ma’am – you can now board your flight!”.

     

    Americans Are Obsessed With Challenges

    Saturday, June 4th, 2011

    I'm so challenged

    I spent the last two weeks at home with a terrible case of bronchitis.   Too sick and contagious to work, I vegged out on the couch and spent my time watching daytime T.V.  Now that’s an experience, especially for us baby boomers.

    Really!

    I watched the last episodes of the Oprah Winfrey Show, lots of Dr. Oz (both shows are great for women over 50); morning talk shows; afternoon talk shows; The Lifetime Channel; The Classic Movie Channel; and of course all the commercials – and there are many.  All this shows led me to the discovery that our country is obsessed with challenges.  Why? I ask.  Isn’t living life itself challenging enough?  Why do we have to break it down?  Give it a name? The media is so good at seducing us with “challenges” and the products we need to overcome them.  Here are some of the tempting challenges even I contemplated while lying on the couch.

    • The weight loss challenge (by far the most numerous) I was particularly drawn to the Dr. Oz challenge to reboot your body in just two weeks!  He also has the ultimate anti-ageing challenge, and the sleep challenge, too.
    • Jillian Michaels fitness challenge
    • Dr.Phil’s family weight loss challenge
    • Here’s one I like, it’s twofold: anti-ageing and it will give you a new career while going to Botox school:
    • Suze Orman has the ultimate financial challenge, plus  mini ones where you can save $100/mo:
    • The teeth whitening challenge sponsored by Arm and Hammer:

    Well, here’s my response to all this.  Really people?  Just take an anti-depressant and get on with it.

     

    Here's a Dare!

     

    Laugh Lines: One of These Will Make you Smile!

    Monday, February 21st, 2011
    
    

    copyright sadhvi 2011

    1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
 Tame Way. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
 They Take The Psychopath 4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
 You Boil The Hell Out Of It 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
 Dam! 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroids 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
 A Stick 8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. 9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
 Subordinate Clauses. 10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quatro Cinco. 11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
 Spoiled Milk. 12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite. 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
 A Nervous Wreck. 14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
 Anyone Can Roast Beef. 15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him. 16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers. 17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. 18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
 Sanka. 20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
 Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats. 21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
 A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
 A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack. 22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
 Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.

    Parenting: Things I Wish I Had Known (Or Believed) Earlier

    Thursday, February 10th, 2011

    Jane

    Now that all 4 of my kids are either adults or within spitting distance of adulthood, I have moments where I  actually get a glimpse of the things—good and bad—we did in raising them, and the things I wish someone had told me when I was starting out.  (“Oh, so that’s how it works!”)

    I’m never going to write a book on the subject, since I still feel pretty clueless on the whole subject. (Being a parent offers you such a host of ways to feel like a failure at your job.) But I do have some off-the-top-of-my-head suggestions for young parents (not in any logical order, since raising 4 kids has destroyed any logical sense I may have ever had before):

    1) No matter how bad things seem when your children are infants and toddlers (and you are a) sleep deprived b) at your rope’s end with frustration over ‘potty training’—I put that in quotes because I no longer believe in it—or c) ready to blow up at your child’s pediatrician/teacher/fill in the blank because they don’t “get” your kid, keep in mind that some day you’re going to look back on these days as the glorious time when you still had control over their physical location!

    At the beginning: my husband, Tom, with Lizzie

    (more…)

    Women over 50:: Tidbits of Wisdom

    Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

    SADHVI

    As a woman over 50, I’m amazed at the number of products and plans to help me stay slim, healthy and young.  As if I better do something now or else I will get old, ugly and fat!

    I had the “Lifetime Achievement Award” from Weight Watcher’s before I graduated from high school.  I also knew about the state of ketosis, fasting, and complete protein shakes before I started college.

    I remember going on a cleanse and becoming a vegetarian in 1978, and believe me, not only was it considered odd, but so was I.

    I even had the perfect morning yoga routine down in 1980 when I was 22 years old that incorporated Pilates!  Funny enough though, the older I get the more relaxed I become and all the rituals, along with the “should’s” in my head are disappearing.  And I feel good.

    Lately I’m meeting more older women who become instant friends, and after talking with them for a short while, I feel like there is some sort of magical transference of wisdom that makes me smile.

    For instance, I met Helene at the Swiss Club that I belong to the other night.  I was hungry and there was this incredibly addicting spinach dip that was mostly sour cream and mayonnaise.

    I looked over while dipping my umpteenth pita chip into the dip, and saw Helene doing the same a few feet away.  She looked over at me and we both just laughed.

    Helene told me about growing up during WWII, in North Africa, and how they had no food for 2 months and were starving.  It was a very hard time in her life. (more…)

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