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    Posts Tagged ‘oops50 humor’


    My High School Reunion

    Monday, August 22nd, 2011

    Annice

    I’ve heard from some baby boomers that high school reunions are nothing but a terrifying rite of passage, but for me, four decades after graduation, it was a blast.

    It started with the preparation and anticipation of going back.  I think I received the first announcement (at least 6 months before the event) from our uber organizer and former majorette, Lynn.  Preparation for the Reunion would not be without challenges for me.  After all, there was pressure in high school and it didn’t have to do with grades.  Grades?  That was the easy part.  My anxiety came from the lack of dates and boyfriends.   I scored a big zero in that department so why wouldn’t I feel a tiny bit of pressure?  I’m not perfect, you know.  Then, there was the issue of what to wear.  I prayed I would find the most flattering outfit I could fit this 50 something body into short of liposuction in time for the Reunion.   Thank you very much J. Jill.  

    40 years later

    So why would I go to my 40th reunion?  Simple, I wanted to reconnect with people I shared my youth with – after all, I spent the most formidable years of my life with these 480 kids with raging hormones.  You see, I grew up in Mayfield Hts., Ohio, attended Mayfield Rd. Elementary School, Mayfield Jr. High and Mayfield Senior High school as did my two sisters, my brother, and my five cousins.   Oh yeah, I must also confess, I love stories and the Reunion was filled with them – stories of former cheerleaders, majorettes, football heroes, wrestling champions, thespians, and merit scholars.  There were stories about divorce, ex-husbands and their girlfriends, children, step-kids, ageing parents, dead parents, and even dogs (yes, baby boomers love their dogs).

    The first night we all met at a bar which I thought was a brilliant idea.  It facilitated the initial shock of seeing each other grown up.  Understand, I hadn’t seen or in most cases, thought about my classmates in 40 years.  Well, that’s not exactly true because many of us have been reconnecting on facebook in anticipation of the Reunion.    Another brilliant idea was posting our graduation picture on our nametags.  Purposely, I kept reading glasses in my pocket so I wouldn’t have to squint all night to read the nametags and distinguish the photos.

    my reading glasses

    The first night, all I could think of was who were all these people hugging, and saying hello with huge smiles across their faces,  and why didn’t I recognize them right away?  Too fat, too skinny, too gray, too many wrinkles?  And of course, they were thinking the same things about me.

    Saturday night was the banquet and so much dancing and gabbing and I must’ve been having a great time because I didn’t get home until 3:00 a.m. –  just like old times.  And memories, so many memories and laughs that made it all worth it  My advice, if you get a chance to go to your Reunion – don’t miss it.  Life is short.

    Rehab for Jerks? Didn’t Know it Exists

    Monday, June 13th, 2011

    Annice

    .

    It seems like the media is never short on scandals about married men behaving badly.  Even Marlo Thomas has written about it.  I admit, I am fascinated by scandals about men in positions of power or men who put themselves up as role models and then get caught with their pants down.  (Check out our archives about other stories I’ve written abut men behaving badly).   And, isn’t it great that wives today (many are women over 50) can decide for themselves whether to stay or go?  But, I am waiting for one of these wives to stand up at a press conference and call her husband a big jerk.

    I played a little game with myself to see how many of these jerks I could remember, with little effort, I came up with this list:

    • Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.) for sexting
    • Strauss-Kahn (Director of the IMF) accused of rape
    • Schwarzenegger (no explanation needed)
    • John Edwards (former Senator and Presidential contender) for having an affair and love child while his wife was dying of cancer
    • Newt Gingrich – ditto (minus the love child)
    • Governor Sanford (South Carolina) for having an affair who he claimed was his “soul mate”
    • Elliot Spitzer former Governor of NY caught in a high-priced prostitution ring
    • Tiger Woods professional golfer and admitted sex addict
    • Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas (sexual harassment scandal)

    Seems like the cure-all for all these boys behaving badly is simply to hold a press conference, tell us they are seeking professional treatment to focus on becoming a better person, and then they’re all better.  Really, Rehab for Jerks?

    Rehab for Jerks

    Where are they?  I’d like to refer a few.

     

    I See a Cruise in My Future

    Monday, March 14th, 2011

    Annice

    Okay, I said I wasn’t going to write about Len’s hip replacement anymore, and I’m not.  But, as a result of our wretched winter, I believe I see a Caribbean Cruise in the very near future for one deserving woman over 50.

    I see a Cruise in your future

    I’ve never been on a cruise, and honestly, as someone who prided herself in being adventurous, I poo pooed them.  Len, too, felt cruises were rather beneath him.  We both cringed at the idea of being stuck at sea with thousands of strangers trying hard to vacation on an ocean liner.  How appealing could that be, I asked.  Well, now that I’ve had the life force sucked out of me, I’m thinking about being stuck at sea with a boatload of strangers basking  in the sun with Margaritas, lobster salad, spa treatments, yoga classes, trashy magazines, and no email, facebook or cell phones unless I want them.  Even Len is thinking cruise.

    Admittedly, watching too much daytime T.V. (while taking care of Len) made me very susceptible to compelling commercials about Carnival Cruises to the Caribbean. In a flash, I saw myself sliding down a giant water slide on the   ship’s pool, and laughing all the way.

    Oh yeah!

    The seed of desire was planted, and for the past few days I’ve been searching the internet for affordable cruises.  And guess what?  There are so many to choose from.   The one that is calling me leaves from Miami, and then sails  to Belize, Honduras, and Mexico.  I’m certain Len will be ready by May, and as for me, I was ready yesterday.

    P.S.  Do you think I could bring Gus?  He could use a vacation, too and he loves to swim.

     

    Laugh Lines: A Rare Medical Condition

    Saturday, February 12th, 2011

    A RARE MEDICAL CONDITION

    A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.

    The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten or fifteen seconds.

    The man went back to reading his book.

    A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently.

    Although assuming the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.  A few minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.

    As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

    Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, “I couldn’t help but notice that you have sneezed three times, wiped your nose, and then shuddered violently.  Are you okay?”

    The woman replied, “I am sorry if I disturbed you.  I have a rare medical condition.  Whenever I sneeze, I have an orgasm.”

    The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious and asked, “I have never heard of that condition before.  Are you taking anything for it?”

    The woman nodded and said, “Yes, black pepper”.

    Women over 50:: Tidbits of Wisdom

    Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

    SADHVI

    As a woman over 50, I’m amazed at the number of products and plans to help me stay slim, healthy and young.  As if I better do something now or else I will get old, ugly and fat!

    I had the “Lifetime Achievement Award” from Weight Watcher’s before I graduated from high school.  I also knew about the state of ketosis, fasting, and complete protein shakes before I started college.

    I remember going on a cleanse and becoming a vegetarian in 1978, and believe me, not only was it considered odd, but so was I.

    I even had the perfect morning yoga routine down in 1980 when I was 22 years old that incorporated Pilates!  Funny enough though, the older I get the more relaxed I become and all the rituals, along with the “should’s” in my head are disappearing.  And I feel good.

    Lately I’m meeting more older women who become instant friends, and after talking with them for a short while, I feel like there is some sort of magical transference of wisdom that makes me smile.

    For instance, I met Helene at the Swiss Club that I belong to the other night.  I was hungry and there was this incredibly addicting spinach dip that was mostly sour cream and mayonnaise.

    I looked over while dipping my umpteenth pita chip into the dip, and saw Helene doing the same a few feet away.  She looked over at me and we both just laughed.

    Helene told me about growing up during WWII, in North Africa, and how they had no food for 2 months and were starving.  It was a very hard time in her life. (more…)

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