Jane

I’ve been worrying too much lately.  It’s not good for me.  I do most of it at night, when the lights are out, and I wake up at 3 am, unable to sleep.  My worries run the gamut, but they always start with my 4 children: from my daughter in Africa (Will she catch some horrible disease from an errant mosquito?) to my son on a farm in New York (Will he survive another 105 degree day of digging up garlic plants?) to my other daughter at a blue grass concert in Connecticut (Will she be caught in a stampeding crowd of drunken concert-goers?) to my daughter here, safe under my roof (Will she be able to handle this upcoming year in high school,  with her 3 sports teams and band and outside-of-school activities?) to my job (Will I get everything done that is sitting on my desk?) to our finances (Never mind) to my health (Will I keep gaining weight or become an obese elderly woman that people pity and scorn?) to politics (Will Obama survive this nightmare? Will our economy? Will the world?) to religion (Is there a God out there listening?) back to my children (Why didn’t I brush their teeth more often?  Damn those stupid fruit roll-ups that I thought were healthy!  We won’t be able to afford the next 8 years of college!  Do they have what they need to make it in the world after college? which leasds to:  Did I give them any kind of spiritual basis to help them deal with their futures?)  You get my drift.  This is where things tend to go rapidly down hill into complete negativity.  I’m sure I don’t need to put examples here.  I’m sure most women over 50 know the kind of negative thinking you can do at 3 a.m., given a little energy and inclination!

OMG!

I’ve heard from a very reputable source that you can create negative channels of thinking in your brain if you keep thinking the same negative thoughts—that you actually wear paths so that your negative thoughts become the easy trail through the woods that has the most markers!  They say that your job is to stop those negative thoughts by wearing new paths.

I’m working on it.  I’m trying to make myself say positive things to myself whenever I can: “The kids are healthy, and they have great teeth that they inherited from their grandmother!” or  “It doesn’t matter that your house is a pigpen!  You’re  too busy getting your priorities straight to clean that back room!” or  “You have willpower of iron!  You are getting thinner every day!” or “The world is not falling into a heap of total and complete ruin, no matter how much the signs point to that scenario!”

As I said, I’m working on it.  But it’s hard.

I’m not sure I’m capable of wiping out all negative thoughts.  I can do it during the day.  Just not at 3 a.m.

I do know one thing that helps: laughter.  When I can laugh with my husband about something silly in the paper in the morning or guffaw over coffee with friends or die laughing with my daughters over a ridiculous movie like “Bridesmaids,” I feel better–and it carries forward into nighttime!  When I go to bed after laughing a lot during the day, the wheels in my brain start turning in different directions—and, next thing you know, I wake up thinking about how great our kids are, or how incredibly lucky I am to have wonderful girlfriends in my life, even if I only see them once a week or once a month or once in a blue moon, or how terrific it is to be surviving this Recession with my husband, with our marriage intact—or how wonderful a scoop of Ultimate Ice Cream’s coffee heath bar tastes!

I have to watch out for that last one though:  it can easily lead me back into one of those negative trails—the one full of worry about being a morbidly obese elder in a wheelchair!

I'm so challenged

I spent the last two weeks at home with a terrible case of bronchitis.   Too sick and contagious to work, I vegged out on the couch and spent my time watching daytime T.V.  Now that’s an experience, especially for us baby boomers.

Really!

I watched the last episodes of the Oprah Winfrey Show, lots of Dr. Oz (both shows are great for women over 50); morning talk shows; afternoon talk shows; The Lifetime Channel; The Classic Movie Channel; and of course all the commercials – and there are many.  All this shows led me to the discovery that our country is obsessed with challenges.  Why? I ask.  Isn’t living life itself challenging enough?  Why do we have to break it down?  Give it a name? The media is so good at seducing us with “challenges” and the products we need to overcome them.  Here are some of the tempting challenges even I contemplated while lying on the couch.

• The weight loss challenge (by far the most numerous) I was particularly drawn to the Dr. Oz challenge to reboot your body in just two weeks!  He also has the ultimate anti-ageing challenge, and the sleep challenge, too.
• Jillian Michaels fitness challenge
• Dr.Phil’s family weight loss challenge
• Here’s one I like, it’s twofold: anti-ageing and it will give you a new career while going to Botox school:
• Suze Orman has the ultimate financial challenge, plus  mini ones where you can save $100/mo:
• The teeth whitening challenge sponsored by Arm and Hammer:

Well, here’s my response to all this.  Really people?  Just take an anti-depressant and get on with it.

Here's a Dare!

First of all, it’s a lot harder to stay on track when you don’t have someone laying out exactly what you get to eat and when–and you have to make your own choices.  Secondly, it’s also a lot easier, in some ways, than I feared.  I’m not, for example, real eager to give up the past four months of work in favor of a chocolate sundae, so temptation is not the problem. What’s hard is the amount of careful planning that is required in order to stay on program. 

Thirdly, I feel as if, at 70 pounds down, I am gradually emerging from a cocoon that I’ve had around me for the past several years–a protective layer of fat that I didn’t even know I had.  A friend said she noticed that even my hand gestures are different now–that I’m more openly expressive.  I don’t know how true that is–or if I was just strutting my stuff in front of her because she hadn’t seen me since the beginning of the program–but I do know that I was shy in certain circumstances before, such as trying on clothes, being in a bathing suit, wearing pants–where I’m less shy now. 

I’ve had a lot of positive reinforcement lately, and that’s wonderful–but also disconcerting, since I feel like the same old me inside this 50- something body, just with a different presentation to the outside world.

 All this has made me realize how much people notice our outside appearance, on the one hand, but also, on the other, how little they really notice it.  What I have found, even if I didn’t really need confirmation, is that the people who truly love you, love you through thick and thin (literally).  It’s good to know that.  It sure does help to keep me from putting the weight back on! Why would you when there is nothing to prove and no one to rebel against?  That’s a good feeling.

Secondly, and this is the part I like the best, you approach each meal  (and each snack) with the 1-2-3 system, checking off three things to make sure you’re getting the balanced nutrition you need:  1) protein 2) carbs and 3) fat.  If you start by asking yourself, “Where in this meal/snack will I get my 4 ounces of protein, 1-2 cups of good, unstarchy carbs, and 1 serving of fat?”, you’ll be able to handle whatever comes at you.  I like the approach:  it simplifies my life.  It also keeps food solidly in its place as balanced nutrition instead of all the other dangerous things it can turn into, such as romance, fun, glamour, comfort, therapy, etc.  It’s also beautifully uncomplicated, so I don’t have to be carrying around a calorie counter everywhere I go.  The final part of the plan:  remember portion control!  I just need to remember to use a small plate and make sure that 2/3 of that plate is made up of fruits/veggies/whole grains and 1/3 is lean protein.  I like it! 

We also talked about low-calorie alternatives for delicious treats, such as mashed cauliflower with garlic and Greek yoghurt in place of mashed potatoes–but that’s a whole other subject.

Jane

I don’t have much to report this week, other than that I am steadily losing weight and feeling better and better about my body, my life, my appearance, and my health.  The low point of this week was taking a big gulp of what I thought was going to be a vanilla shake with a hint of Starbucks coffee flavor and discovering instead that it was cold chicken soup, flavored with coffee!  Needless to say, I wasn’t wild about the cold lumps!

 The high point of the week was this weekend.  The program tells us to come up with non-food rewards for progress made, so I decided to do something I’ve always wanted to do but never had the nerve to try:  fake nails!  I didn’t realize they would take so long, but after 2 hours in the chair, I walked out of the salon feeling totally glamorous and beautiful and, oh, so feminine.  I highly recommend them.  My sister, Katie, has always told me they were wonderful, and now I get it.  I’m typing with them right now and feeling like I’m back to being about 8 years old, loving my glue-on nails–but these don’t fall off!  I have to watch out because lately I’m spending a lot of time just thinking up new ways to point a gorgeous red-tipped finger at something.  Here’s a picture:

Other than that, there’s not much to report.  The session last week was about the importance of serving food on small plates, so that we don’t over-feed ourselves–and about drawing an imaginary line across our plate, dividing our plate into top and bottom.  The top half should always be filled with vegetables, the bottom fourth with protein and the other fourth with starch, with a tiny bit of fat.  We are supposed to keep that plate model in our heads, when we go back to eating, especially when eating out!  It simplifies the whole deal of counting calories or figuring out portions. The other thing that happened this week is we got started on regular exercise.  My goal is 150-200 minutes of aerobic exercise a week–and I have to keep a daily  log.  I’m proud to say I made it to the YWCA one morning, and I walked 4 times this week, plus one long walk and a hike on the weekend.  We’re also supposed to do simple things to get ourselves moving all the time, such as parking farther away from work, taking the stairs, or, in my case, running in place in the bathroom, just for the extra oomph!  Onward and upward!

  Appointment #1:

So, I had to be there at the clinic by 8:15 in the morning, to get all my labwork done:  the obligatory urine sample, followed by bloodwork.  Then, I had to take off my shoes to get weighed and find out my BMI, that lovely measure of how much fat is riding heavily on my bones.   I was hoping they would let me leave my shoes on for the weigh-in, so that losing the first few pounds would be as easy as switching to sandals next time, but  these people are old hands at this! My body mass index was frightening–as was my weight, both of which I’ll leave off this blog, thank you.  I was particularly fond of getting my waist and hips measured.  Then, the EKG–to make sure I was in good enough shape to go on the program.

The next step is the meeting with a nurse to discuss all the risks.  She’s a great person, so this went quickly and smoothly–except for the point where she casually mentioned some of the possible side effects, including dizziness, bad breath, temperature changes and “sudden death.”  I have to say that it took me a minute to get past that last one.  I asked  if they had ever experienced this particular side effect with any of their patients and was very relieved to hear her say, emphatically, “no.”  Since I don’t want to be the first instance , I’ve decided that I will actually follow the program to the letter instead of trying to be the fastest weight loser in history (which, due to my competitive nature, could be a risk for me).

My friend, Kim, who is going through this program with me (bless her wonderful self) said she particularly liked the moment when they asked us to sign a statement saying that we  agreed never to sell the liquid diet protein drink to our friends.  She had a great picture in her head of our friends lining up to try to buy the product from us in a dark alley!

Appointment #2:

This was actually two appointments.  I spent an hour with a nutritionist, designing an eating  program for “Week O,” the week where you do a combination of the Optifast liquid drink and food, so that you can transition into the total liquid diet without your body going into shock.  She offered me limited choices from foiur food groups. They do this on purpose.  For one thing, they don’t want you to have to think about food as much as you’d have to if you had tons and tons of choices for meals–and, for another, they want you to start thinking of food as nutrition instead of all the other things that roll around our brains and get us in trouble, such as food as comfort, food as fun, food as joy, food as reward, etc. etc.  So, I chose my 3 fruits, my 4 vegetables, my 2 starches, and my 4 proteins, and then she walked me through how I would come up with, for instance, a typical dinner.  I could have 3 ounces of salmon, with 1 cup of cooked acorn squash, 1 cup of cooked tomatoes or onions, and, for dessert, 1 cup of Greek yoghurt with 1 cup of frozen blueberries!  I was thrilled.  I had feared a much stricter regimen for the first week.  Each day, I start out with the liquid diet, then, after 2 hours, have another liquid diet drink plus a fruit from my list, then, 2 hours later, lunch (consisting of 3 oz of protein, 1 cup of raw vegetables from my list), then, 2 hours later, the liquid diet, then, 2 hours later, my dinner, and, finally, before going to bed, a snack of a string cheese or 1/2 cup of cottage cheese!  That’s the routine for this week, coupled with 64 ounces of water each day and 2 vitamins (1 in morning, 1 in evening). 

After the nutritionist, I had my first visit with the doctor, who turned out to be not the old hag with the wagging finger that I had feared but a young  (very knowledgeable) woman who looks like she’s still in her thirties–and with a wonderful sense of humor!  She gave me a check-up, and then we spent an hour going over my weight gain/loss history, from birth, trying to figure out what went wrong each time.  It appears that my main problem is not losing weight–it’s gaining it back.  So, we’re going to focus on that in my program.  We also talked a lot about balance–and the need for it.  Why does this not surprise me?  It seems like everything I’m doing this year comes back to trying to find more balance in my life.  Oh, and we talked about stress management.  Another big surprise!  Funny how sometimes the things you need to know are right in front of your face.

She warned me that I have to “surrender myself to the program.”  In other words, there is no point in walking around, looking like a victim in front of my children or feeling sorry for myself.  And, at the other end of things, there is no point in trying to beat the program and lose weight faster than anybody else.  I just have to take this on as something I’m doing now to help myself–something important that could change my life forever, for the better.   I walked out of her office, with my liquid diet products in hand, ready to take on the world.

Day One:  I chould have chosen a better day to start the program–other than the one where I was signed up to chaperone my 8th grader’s field trip to the National Storytelling Festival in Jonesborough, Tennessee.  It was interesting, trying to get in my 64 ounces of water, while dealing with the joys of Port-A-Johns.  It was also interesting, sitting there eating my cottage cheese and carrots while my daughter and her friends wolfed down curly fries and funnel cake.  The most interesting thing, however, was that it wasn’t hard–the way I had thought it would be.  I had a program.  I had a schedule.  I knew just what I had to do.  I also knew that Kim would kill me if I didn’t get off to a good start.  So, I sipped my water, drank my liquid diet (in the convenient little throw-away container) and came home to my unbelievably delicious, nutritious salmon dinner.  Life is good.

I can’t seem to get my house in order, and I worry about it because I’m 53 years old.  I should have an orderly house by now!  I’m supposed to be a grown up and all!

Cluttered in Cleveland

Dear Cluttered,

If you really want to be a grown-up, you should clearly get your act together and clean up that house!  Or hire a maid, for goodness sake!  But that’s only if you want to be a real grown-up, and I would question the value of that.  The other option is to agree with me that a truly orderly house is the sign of a sick mind.  Celebrate your glorious chaos.  Relish it!  Revel in it!  If God had intended us to have orderly houses, he would have equipped us with vacuum cleaners at the end of our arms. I look at it this way:  if I can find my way to my kitchen to fix breakfast and to my bed at night to sleep, I’m a success as a housekeeper!

Johanna