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    Posts Tagged ‘Humor’


    Second Attempt: Tequila Holiday Cake Recipe

    Wednesday, December 28th, 2011

    Annice

    This is one of my favorite recipe’s from my dear friend Va at Sheville.org.  I tried to make this Tequila Christmas Cake recipe for Chanukah again this year, but it didn’t work out so well.  So, I’m trying again for New Year’s Day.  Here goes:

     Ingredients 

    .

    1 cup sugar
    1 tsp. baking powder
    1 cup water
    1 tsp. salt
    1 cup brown sugar  Lemon juice
    4 large eggs
    Nuts
    1 bottle Jose Cuervo tequila
    2 cups dried fruit

    .

    Sample the tequila to check quality.  Take a large bowl; check the tequila again to be  sure it is of the highest quality.  Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer.

    Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.  Add 1 teaspoon of sugar.  Beat again.  At this point, it is best to make sure the tequila is still OK.  Try another cup just in case.

    Turn off the mixerer thingy.  Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck iin the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor.  Mix on the turner.  If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

    Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.  Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.  Check the tequila. Now shift the lemon ice strain your nuts.  Add one table.  Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

    Greash the oven.  Turn the cake tin 360s and try not to fall over.  Don’t forget to beat off the turner.  Finally, throw the bowl through the window.  Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.

    Too Much Tequila

    Pahhpy New Gears!

    I Did A Really Stupid Thing

    Tuesday, December 6th, 2011

    Annice

    Oops.  I did a really stupid thing.  I was driving around doing errands on Saturday when I looked into the rear view mirror and saw how ghastly my hair looked.  I was in the middle of a hair emergency without an appointment.  I haven’t been happy with my stylist lately, and in fact I’ve been shopping around.  I’m tired of paying a lot, and not being satisfied.  All that to say, I ended up driving to the nearest cheap hair salon I spotted on the highway, and walked in.

    After all, aren’t all the stylists in those kind of places recent grads who know the latest techniques?  Aren’t they just working at these cheap places to get experience, build up a clientele, and move on?

    I walked in.  “Hi, can someone cut my hair now?”

    Behind the desk, the receptionist, sporting a great haircut, looked up.

    “Sure.  Give me your coat and take a seat.  I’ll get Terry (not her real name).”

    .

    Sitting in Terry’s chair, I looked around.  The place was dumpy, looking like the low-end salon it was.

    Out walks Terry smelling badly from cigarette smoke.  Her face was covered with deep wrinkles and when she smiled, she was missing a few teeth.  I won’t bother to detail the many different colors of her hair ranging from burnt orange to caramel.

    OMG.  I had a sick feeling in my stomach as I sat in Terry’s chair, a prisoner, held hostage by my own stupidity.  It was too late to turn back.

    I tried to imagine the best case scenario.  Maybe she was a recovering addict from NYC and came to the mountains to get her life back together.  She wouldn’t be the first.  Or maybe she was a super stylist from NYC.  Anything was possible.

    “Is that a natural curl?” she asked.

    “Yes, and I happen to have a photo of the cut I like in my wallet.”  I handed the photo to Terry.

    She looked at it for a second.

    “No problem.  I’m great with curly hair, been cutting hair in Asheville since 1994.  Raised four kids as a single mom cutting hair.”

    “Ever been to New York?”  I could only hope.

    “Never been out of Asheville.  Never had the desire.”

    “Never.  Not even for a visit?”

    MY NEW HAIRCUT

    “Nope.  I’m gonna  cut your hair dry.  It’s the best way to cut curly hair.”

    I knew that was a fair statement and such technique existed, so I did not argue with Terry.

    Chop, chop, chop.  Terry cut away until I was left with a short pixie.

    “What do you think?  I think that looks about right.”  Terry picked up the photo and held it up to the mirror next to my image. “What about color?  We use a very good color here.”

    I could not speak.

    “Would you like to schedule your next appointment?”

    “Next appointment?  Oh, well, I won’t be needing a next appointment until April – 2013.”

    10 Thoughts on Learning that I am going to be a Grandmother!

    Thursday, November 10th, 2011

    JULIA

    My thoughts on learning that I am going to be a Grandmother are as follows:

    1. Blank.
    2. Blank.
    3. Gasp.  Breathe, girl!
    4. Searching…
    5. What will my new name (the name that will stick to me for the rest of my life on earth) be?  Please not anything with “aw” on the end.
    6. Am I really old enough for this to be happening to me? I knew my husband was getting older, but…
    7. She will love IT more than she loves me (pout).
    8.  How can SHE have a baby?  She’s still MY baby!
    9. Look at her.  Her face is shining.  I know that feeling…my face must look like my mother’s face did when I told her for the first time.
    10. I will love it instantly.  At first because it’s part of her.  Then just because I love it.
    11. Life has become infinitely more complicated–and interesting–in the last 7 seconds.

    Okay, so I had more than 10 thoughts in a row.  This doesn’t happen every day.  I just had to write them all!

    Julia Coward lives in Asheville, NC with her husband, in a house made entirely of dog hair.  She has held many varied and interesting  jobs in her career as a person, but her favorite has always been raising and caring for people and pets in all different ages and stages of life.  Plants have to fend for themselves.

    Ask Johanna: Dating After 50

    Wednesday, July 27th, 2011

    Dear Johanna, 

    I’m a 51-year-old woman who has not dated for at least 10 years, since I’ve been so busy raising my son (I’m a single mom).  He’s now heading off to college, and I’m wondering how to go about getting back into the dating scene.  I’m feeling pretty out-of-it, since I haven’t done anything like this in so long.  Any suggestions?

    Rusty in Roxbury

     

    Dear Rusty,

    I’d say it depends on what you are looking for.  If you just want to go out and have a few good meals paid for by someone else and you don’t care if what you end up with in the bargain is a guy who 1) plagues you for advice on how to win back his ex-wife or 2) talks all night about all of  his unsuccessful investment schemes (“But this one is going to work. I can feel it.”) or 3) describes how great his mother’s bread pudding is, down to the last raisin-filled bite,  which, by the way, he polished off at the house he shares with his mother before coming to take you out, then I’d say try Match.com.  If nothing else, you can end up with some doozies to entertain girlfriends with over coffee.  But if you are really interested in meeting an interesting man, do what my friend, Sadhvi, says and go do things you enjoy doing: volunteer in a political campaign, learn to ballroom dance, attend lectures at your local university.  If the activity is interesting, at least you won’t feel like you’ve wasted an evening. But I don’t know about her bowling suggestion, since I’ve never been too crazy about the guys who hang out in bowling alleys.  Maybe the best idea would be to hang out in the lobby at a therapist’s office, since a lot of men over 50 are probably inside on the couch. (more…)

    Oops 50 Humor!

    Saturday, July 23rd, 2011

    Folks, I don’t normally post videos, but this one had to be shared!!
    Jane

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