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    Posts Tagged ‘funny jokes’


    Oops50 Humor: It’s Keith, the midget

    Sunday, January 24th, 2010

    Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a woman at the coffee
    machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair
    smells nice. 

    After a week of this, she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint
    to a supervisor in the Human Resources department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

    The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks,  ”What’s sexually
    threatening about a co-worker telling you that your hair smells nice?” 

    The woman replies, “It’s Keith, the midget.”

     

    Oops50 Humor:The Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating is Better Than Sex

    Sunday, October 25th, 2009

    The Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating is Better Than Sex:

     

    10.)  You’re guaranteed to get at least a little something in

        the sack.

     

      9.)  If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it

       again.

     

      8.)  The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

     

      7.)  You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you

       some.

     

      6.)  It’s okay if the person you’re with fantasizes you’re

       someone else, because you actually are.

     

      5.) Forty years from now you’ll still enjoy candy.

     

      4.)  If you don’t like what you get, you can always go next

       door.

     

      3.)  It doesn’t matter if the kids hear you moaning and

       groaning.

     

      2.)  There’s a lot less guilt the morning after.

     

      1.)  You can do the whole neighborhood.

    jack-o-lantern

     

     
     
     
     

     

     

    Oops50 Humor…Teachings of the Zen JewBu(ddhist)!

    Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

    Teachings of the Zen JewBu(ddhist)

    If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

    Be here now.  Be someplace else later.

    Is that so complicated?

    Drink tea and nourish life; with the first sip, joy; with the second sip, satisfaction; with the third sip, peace; with the fourth, a Danish.

    Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

    Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without problems. What would you talk about?

    The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy.

    There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?

    Zen is not easy.   It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.

    The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao is not Jewish.

    Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

    Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded glen. And sit up straight. You’ll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

    Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.

    Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.

    Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.

    Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

    The Torah says, Love your neighbor as yourself. The Buddha says, There is no self. So, maybe we’re off the hook.

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