Annice
On Feb. 17th, my dear Aunt Frances died at the age of 82. She was the last aunt of the Brown sisters, leaving my father with no remaining siblings, and he is sad. I understand that sadness because I know how sad I would be without my sisters and my brother. When my dad called last week to tell me the news, he ended the conversation by saying, “Enjoy your life because it doesn’t last long enough.” And while my dad is more than 25 years older than I am, I feel the force of that statement.
For me, Aunt France’s death feels like the end of an era, an era of women who were “ladies,” and naturally so. It’s not that ladies don’t exist today, but that term is almost never used to define anyone of our generation. (I felt the same way when Jackie Kennedy died.) An era has passed, and our generation is now the generation of mothers and aunts that will be defined by our daughters and nieces. What will they say about us?
My Aunt Frances always took great care to look her best. She was witty and knew what to say and when to say it. She never wore white after Labor Day and was never without lipstick. She always sent a card for significant birthdays, 18, 21, 30, 40, and 50. Most importantly, my aunt was forever doing for others. Her obituary said it right: “She was passionate about contributing to the community, and rarely, if ever, said ‘no’ when asked to help individuals and organizations. Hadassah, a women’s Jewish organization, was the one closest to her heart.”
In fact, when I got my first job in Washington, D.C., Aunt Frances paid for my membership in Hadassah for many years, which included a monthly magazine. I was never interested in Hadassah and finally cancelled the subscription. Aunt Frances accepted my decision without asking why. As for me, I’m sure I would have pressured my niece to explain.
What I liked most about my aunt is that she was a good listener. Unlike my mother, who yelled first and then asked questions, Aunt Frances did the opposite. Something else that endeared me to her was that she liked to talk about books. Like my dad, and like me, she was particularly fond of historical novels, and if they had a Jewish theme, plot, or central character, all the better. I remember the very last book we discussed, Suite Francaise by Irene Nemirovsky, the French novelist. I was reading it on that particular visit to Cleveland but hadn’t finished it in time to leave it with her. 
I told her about the author and how she sent her two daughters to the South of France to hide them from the Nazis during the occupation of Paris—daughters who survived while Nemirovsky perished in Auschwitz. The book is incredible because it is written during the actual time. Nemirovsky’s oldest daughter found the manuscript but could not bring herself to read it until 50 years later. When she did, she sent it to a publisher, and in 2004 it became am international bestseller, selling over 2.5 million copies. Later that evening, I shared that conversation with my dad, and he went out the very next day and bought three copies, one for Aunt Frances, one for him, and one to pass around to other family members.
My dad and his siblings were first- generation Americans, and after the war, their family home was a pied a terre for family members from Hungary and Czechoslovakia who had survived the concentration camps. Both my dad and my aunt became close friends with their cousins whom they met for the first time after the war. They were greatly moved by that experience, which, I believe, inspired them to always help others. Even though they grew up poor during the Depression, they saw their lives as privileged when compared to the survivors of Auschwitz.
My Aunt Frances lived a life full of meaning and purpose, and she will always be remembered by me.
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Tags: death, death of aunt, hadassah, the passing of relatives, women over 50, women over 50 death, www.hadassah.org
Annice, you are a beautiful writer and I feel like I know your aunt Frances. I am sure she was at your wedding, but I don’t remember talking to her….I wish I had. Your dad is right, life passes all too quickly and it’s never too late to be a “late bloomer”. Thanks for your lovely tribute to aunt Frances.
Thank you for all your comments and to those who have made a donation in my Aunt’s name. She would’ve loved that.
What a beautiful tribute to a real lady! Of course, I did not know Aunt Frances in quite the same way as you did, yet she exuded the essence of a generation we are losing. Thank you for sharing your memories and letting me know about your Aunt Frances. Ricky’s memories are not the same, as you can imagine.
annice, how beautifully said about our dear aunt fran. she was quite a woman and we all had alot to learn from her. she will be greatly missed by so many. love your “oops” emails, michelle
Hi Annice, Minda and friends,my name is Nedra and as the oldest sibling in our family this whole situation tugs at my heart a lot. Great tribute to aunt Fran by the way.I have struggled on and off for many years with “the end”. Couseling has helped me understand that as long as we have great memories, that is what is important and we can always talk and think about these with a positive place in our minds and hearts. Aunt Fran was deffinitely the ” modern forward” woman of our family. she embraced the internet with ease and just went about the changes with little resistence.As I am pushing 60, that’s hard to believe, I have such fond memories of the “Lorain” experiences thru out my life. I was just talking to Nick about this yesterday. Minda, I also told him about the apartment above the grocery store and the meals and passover’s that lasted 8 days, really, they were brutal but now so glad that we have those memories. aunt Fran always put others first and was a great teacher of life and what was important.I amso greatful I had private time with her when I was in last.She had a wonderful family and was such a huge part of her grandchildren”s lives that it not only gave her such happiness but their lives will be forever linked with her memory.
To the end, she was doing it her way, with class and style and I have to mention the wonderful relatioship she had with uncle Hy, her husband and friend for over 60 years.My dad is the last man standing but even with his heavy heart he has the best memories of a great family life with his siblings thru it all. I feel all of us has learned so much from this wonderful woman that we have to smile just thinking about her. By the way, the only thing she would have done different was to make sure her hair was done, you are all correct, she went no where unless her hair was done and she had lipstick on. Here’s to a great journey aunt Fran, love Nedra!
Excellent piece Annice. Your Aunt Fran sounded like a delightful human being and wonderful family member. I’m sorry for your loss. Hopefully she had time to read the book your dad bought for her. I’d never heard of that book. I will get myself a copy. Miss you.
I love hearing stories of how women have influenced the lives of other women (and men.) The tradition of passing on significant gifts/events/memories to the next generation of women shapes our lives in ways far greater than the particular gift or event. You are certainly fortunate that your aunt was wise enough to know that!
I was so touched by your remembrance of Aunt Francis. I have aunts like that in my background, tho, to my sadness they are all gone on at this point. I miss them but cherish their legacy of kindness, fun, celebration and support.
Very nice Annice, and so true. It is the end of an era. It is so sad for Dad to be the oldest sibling and the last one alive. I will remember that Aunt Fran was always interested in what I was doing and also had purchased a Hadassah subscription for me and probably for all her nieces. When she came to my wedding in New Mexico, I remember her calling me prior to make sure I had a Kosher meal for her. She never judged me and was always looking out for our best interest. I remember when she lived above the store in the early days in Lorain as well as attending her Passover Sedars which we all dreaded since they lasted most of the evening. Overall, I agree, her spirit will be missed and she was definitely a women to treasure. Thanks for writing this.