Dear Johanna,
We had two dogs, two cats, and a snake in our house, and life was completely out of control. Then, for humanitarian reasons (we couldn’t stand to see a beautiful corn snake penned up in a small terrarium any longer), we released the snake into the wild (don’t worry, it was native to the place where we released it, and we knew it could hunt because it had lived for 4 months in our basement once when it escaped its cage–and we certainly weren’t feeding it). Then, one of our dogs died (of old age). So, life started calming down a bit, and my husband and I saw hope for sanity on the horizon. So, what did we do? We got two new dogs–and not just any dogs–but one dog that is scared of people and one puppy. Can you help me understand why in the world we would have done this to ourselves?
Dogged in Delaware
Dear Dogged,
It’s toally understandable to me. Dogs are not just living creatures with tails that wag. Dogs are perfect beings put into a shape that can communicate with humans. They are gods! Did you know that dogs can detect when someone is about to have an epileptic seizure and warn them? Or how about the fact that their noses can distinguish about 500 times more different smells than ours can? And don’t even mention their hearing! Or just the simple fact that they love unconditionally and without end until the day they die? I know your furniture is probably wrecked, and your house smells, and every corner has hair in it–and, since you have a puppy, your shoes are probably not in great condition. But all that is trivial. You must be someone really wonderful, since 3 of these magnificent unearthly beings have decided to bless you with their presence in your house! Enjoy!
Dear Johanna,
My cat keeps sharpening her claws on my furniture, so that, every time I put new upholstery on, it gets ruined in the course of about a day. What should I do?
Trashed in Tennessee
Dear Trashed,
It’s simple: get rid of the cat!
Dear Johanna,
My daughter really wants a snake for her birthday. We’ve been resisting the impulse for years, but we can probably not hold out much longer. She has even asked Santa Claus to bring her a snake–for 3 years in a row! But I hate snakes. I don’t like looking at them. They make my skin crawl.
Squeamish in Scaggsville
Dear Squeamish,
Children do not need to get everything they want. Life is tough. Do you get everything you want? You are teaching her how to adjust to reality! And how old is your daughter anyway? Isn’t it time she found out the truth about the guy in the red suit? Most of all, do you realize that you have to feed snakes live animals? Little, tiny, innocent mice have to be bought every week or so to be placed into the snake cage. They sit there until the snake slithers toward them and then–bam!–the snake chokes them to death, their little feet wiggling in pain, in one smooth movement. Do you want your daughter to witness that?
I say give your daughter a dog!
Johanna
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Johanna–I am a cat person and was horrified when you told Trashed to just get rid of the cat! There ARE other solutions that don’t mean you have to get rid of the cat. One could have answered the same solution to the Dogged in Delaware but you are a dog person and wouldn’t even consider giving up the dog(s). Refer her to a cat person (not me).