I have to write about sleep again, since it keeps evading me. I could rant and rave about how little sleep I have had over the past 10 years, or I could talk about how much I dread going to bed at night, knowing that I will be up again at 3 a.m., all by my lonesome, walking around trying to figure out what to do with my time. But I don’t want to do that. It’s too boring. Everyone has heard it before.
I do want to write about how much I miss sleep and how I long to have it back in my life. I don’t think I ever realized how much I loved and appreciated sleep until it left me. Growing up, I took it for granted that I would go to bed at night and sleep until morning, without interruption. I also took for granted how rested and alive I felt each day. And any time I was exhausted from some activity or event, I knew that I would recover after a good night’s sleep. I remember my mother saying to me often, “All you need is a good night’s sleep.” And she was right. That’s all I need right now: one good night’s sleep.
But that’s not going to happen. I can fall asleep without any problem, but come 3 a.m. or so, every night, I am wide awake, either worryin about some stupid thing or just plain wide awake.
I know one thing that ruined my sleep was having four children and waking up all night to feed them. I tend to think that’s what ruined my sleep patterns for good, but I’m not really sure. Plenty of people I know, especially women over fifty, never sleep through the night. It just seems to be the new reality. So, maybe it was Menopause. Maybe it’s stress. Maybe it’s having grown children. Maybe it’s having pets. Maybe it’s just being over fifty. Who knows?
All I know is this: I want to take a minute to say to anyone out there who has the ability to sleep through the night every night: enjoy it!!! Never take it for granted! Luxuriate in it! Sleep an extra hour for me! I wish to heaven I could take your place, even for just one night.