Category Archives: Sex

Rehab for Jerks? Didn’t Know it Exists

Annice
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It seems like the media is never short on scandals about married men behaving badly.  Even Marlo Thomas has written about it.  I admit, I am fascinated by scandals about men in positions of power or men who put themselves up as role models and then get caught with their pants down.  (Check out our archives about other stories I’ve written abut men behaving badly).   And, isn’t it great that wives today (many are women over 50) can decide for themselves whether to stay or go?  But, I am waiting for one of these wives to stand up at a press conference and call her husband a big jerk.

I played a little game with myself to see how many of these jerks I could remember, with little effort, I came up with this list:

  • Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.) for sexting
  • Strauss-Kahn (Director of the IMF) accused of rape
  • Schwarzenegger (no explanation needed)
  • John Edwards (former Senator and Presidential contender) for having an affair and love child while his wife was dying of cancer
  • Newt Gingrich – ditto (minus the love child)
  • Governor Sanford (South Carolina) for having an affair who he claimed was his “soul mate”
  • Elliot Spitzer former Governor of NY caught in a high-priced prostitution ring
  • Tiger Woods professional golfer and admitted sex addict
  • Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas (sexual harassment scandal)

Seems like the cure-all for all these boys behaving badly is simply to hold a press conference, tell us they are seeking professional treatment to focus on becoming a better person, and then they’re all better.  Really, Rehab for Jerks?

Rehab for Jerks

Where are they?  I’d like to refer a few.

 

Ask Johanna: Menopause Woes

Dear Johanna, I seem to have no memory any more.  I forget things all the time.  The other day my daughter called me to give me the telephone number at her new job, so that I could call her later that afternoon about something important.  She told me to write down the number, but I was sure I could remember it.  The next minute, it was gone!  What can I do?

Forgetful in Florida

Dear Forgetful,

I am just happy to say that I don’t have this problem any more, and I’m as old as the hills.  My children praise me all the time for remembering stuff.  In fact, I even keep track of my husband’s meetings.  And when I go out with my girlfriends, I’m the one who remembers where we parked the car.  It’s amazing, isn’t it, how some people get memory loss with menopause and some just don’t?  Now, tell me again, what was your question?

Dear Johanna,

What can I do about my “chicken fat” arms?  I’ve lost weight recently, and I look fairly good in every place except the very flabby undersides of my arms.  They flap in the breeze and make me feel totally unattractive.  I can’t stand to wear short-sleeved shirts any more.  Help me, Johanna!

Flabby in Forest City

Dear Flabby,

I’ve heard this complaint from lots of people, and I, for one, am tired of women worrying about their flabby arms.  When I see a woman with flabby arms, I just think to myself, “There is a woman who has lived through a lot, experienced a lot, probably picked up a lot of babies with those arms or carried a lot of some man’s dirty clothes up and down stairs. She is certainly not someone who had time to go work out at the gym all the time and keep her arms looking trim.”  I think we should start a movement to protest people’s prejudice against flabby arms.  I say wear those no-sleeve shirts with pride!  You could even get a t-shirt printed that says, “I’m no spring chicken!  I’ve got chicken-fat arms!  Watch out! I might knock you out with one of them!”

Dear Johanna,

I am always tired and have very little energy.  I don’t have hot flashes, but I seem to have every other symptom of menopause, and I’m really tired of the whole deal.  To top it all off, my husband still thinks I’m beautiful and wishes I were interested in sex more often, but the thought of it doesn’t do wonders for me.  In fact, it’s the opposite: I’d almost rather do anything else!  Will I ever feel normal again?

Droopy in Detroit

Dear Droopy in Detroit,

Honey, you need to tell that man the truth:  unless they invent a drug that reverses menopause, he won’t be getting back the hot young thing he married any time soon, so he needs to either get used to living like a monk or come up with some new strategies.  Here are some time-honored ones that have been found to work well with women over 50 (and I actually recommend doing them all, in order):  HE SHOULD 1) cook dinner for the family; 2) clean up the dishes; 3) scrub the toilets in the bathrooms; 4) fold all the laundry; 5) plan the family vacation without any input from you; 6) tell you he loves that one little hair on your chin–it turns him on–and he especially loves your adorable, flabby arms; and 7) promise you that you can sleep late the following morning and he’ll get up and let the dogs out!

Oops50: Great Resource from North American Menopause Society

Jane

I just heard about a website that may be of interest to our readers:  the North American Menopause Society’s website at www.menopause.org.  It’s got all kinds of interesting information, so it’s certainly worth a visit!  Also, they now have a special extra resource:  a whole page about sexuality and menopause.  Who knew?!  I’ll just attach the press release they sent, since I might get too embarassed if I tried to summarize it:

The New Year is still young and Valentine’s Day is just around the corner.  What better time to take stock of your sexual health?  We’ve got just the thing to help with that: Sexual Health & Menopause, a new online resource from The North American Menopause Society (NAMS) for the midlife woman who wants to know what menopause may mean for her sex life.  This authoritative resource, written for women (not doctors) and complete with tables and illustrations, is available free of charge on the NAMS website at www.menopause.org/sex.aspx.
“Menopause and aging can bring changes in sexual function for some women,” says NAMS

Executive Director Margery Gass, MD, NCMP.  “These changes don’t need to mean the end

of sex as you knew it, but they might mean taking some steps to maintain good sexual health

at midlife and beyond.”  Sexual Health & Menopause will walk you through the following

topics in a user-friendly format that allows you to dig for more details where and when

you want:

  • Changes at midlife affecting women’s sexuality
  • Sexual problems at midlife
  • Causes of women’s sexual problems at midlife
  • Effective treatments for women’s sexual problems
  • Further resources and reminders about midlife sexuality
  • Frequently asked questions

Sexual Health & Menopause was developed by NAMS under the direction of Dr. Gass and

co-editors Jan L. Shifren, MD, NCMP, an obstetrician/gynecologist at Harvard Medical School,

and Sheryl A. Kingsberg, PhD, a clinical psychologist at Case Western Reserve University

School of Medicine.
Check it out today at www.menopause.org/sex.aspx!

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Beautiful Women over 50: Sadhvi

This week I thought it would be interesting to ask one of the girls a few questions.  Sadhvi just turned 52, she doesn’t take or do anything (yet) to cope with the sudden change in hormonal levels, but she is chanting more and being more selective in what she does for others.  I hope you enjoy what she had to say:

1)    What was the first record/album you ever received/bought for yourself?

Good Vibrations” by the Beach Boys.  It was a 45 and I bought it at Woolworth’s.  It probably cost 89 cents.  At the age of 8, I experienced the word “psychedelic” when I listened to that song.  It literally put my mind into another place.  I loved it and played it over and over and over again.

2)    What is one of your most vivid childhood memories?

The first thing that pops into my head is “falling in love” with Elvis when I was very young.  I had a dream of him and felt that physical sensation that one gets when one is “in love”!

3)    What lesson would you like to pass on to younger women, now that you are a woman over 50?

Hmmmm… what have I  learned to be able to pass along?  Well, I don’t know if I have completely got it yet, but maybe the most important thing is to try to be OK with how you are, how you look, how you react…everything.  Why?  Because everything changes so quickly, that to try to hold onto ideas of how to “be”, how to “look”, etc. are so irrelevant and a complete waste of time.

4)    What turns you on, as a woman over 50?

That’s a good question…not much!  Since I don’t have good sex any more, I would have to say my garden, painting, and being with friends.

Yum!

Oh, and a good bottle of wine actually turns me on too…  I can always count on La Crema’s Pinot Noir to make me feel something divine.

5)    What is one of your dreams for the future?

To be able to get away with my husband and dog more often, instead of working all the time.

6)    What is one product you can’t live without that other women over 50 might enjoy/benefit from?

I cannot go out without having my favorite lipstick on, and that is one by Chanel.  I have tried all sorts of different brands over the years, and this one puts me into a sensual frame of mind that I can say I enjoy…I think they use roses and raspberry and vanilla and I really like that smell.  Plus, the texture is perfect.

Thanks Sadhvi…that was fun!

Sadhvi