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    Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category


    Jane: Things on my list before my trip to Botswana

    Thursday, January 5th, 2012

    Oops, I was supposed to post this for Jane as she was flying off to Botswana with Josie to visit her daughter, but I had too many things on my list this past week.  So, here is Jane’s post -  just a little late!  Annice

    Tell me again, whose idea was it to schedule a surprise birthday party for her husband’s 60thbirthday one week before Christmas?  It was worth it—I’ll say that.  The party was a blast.  Tom was surprised beyond my wildest hopes.  Our friends and relatives came from far away places.  My wonderful niece and her husband came from Virginia with their two baby girls to complete our workforce made up of Lizzie and Janson (her fiance), Josie, and my wonderful friends Heather, and Nora, her daughter.  Together they decorated, cooked food, took pictures, arranged the room, welcomed guests–and generally made it all possible.  And Sadhvi gets an Oscar for her acting job that led Tom into the room “to borrow chairs for the weekend.”  Josie made an incredible 4-tier cake with the theme of “A Man For All Seasons” (with a season on each tier).  I got so wound up from seeing so many people  I love in one place that I’m still having trouble unwinding!  It made turning 60 seem like a great thing, and I’ll let you know about that in a few years.

    Tom, Josie, and the Birthday Cake!

    But whose idea was it to schedule a trip to Africa 3 days after Christmas?  This trip promises to be an adventure, and, most importantly, I’ll get to see my baby girl instead of missing her for another six months!  But, needless to say, I’m not ready for Christmas, and I’m not ready for Africa.  I’m guessing it will all come together, “one way or t’other,” as my mother used to say.

    Here is what remains to be done today:

    1) Shop for about five things that are still missing for Christmas

    2) Find a plug that can convert to African power, so that I can plug in my C-PAP machine and sleep at night while I’m traveling around Botswana

    3) Buy wrapping paper and wrap presents

    4) Get international texting put on my daughter’s phone so that we can let my husband know that we arrived safely in Botswana

    5) Call my credit card company to let them know I will, in fact, be in Botswana, so that they don’t kick out every transaction I try to do

    6) Find the passports that I stored in a safe place for the trip

    7) Get one of those passport holders you can wear around your neck

    8) Go to the evening service at our church for Christmas Eve

    Jane and Josie

    9) Breathe deeply

    10) Pack for Africa

    11) Clean the house

    12) Bake Christmas cookies.

    I have a feeling that numbers 11 and 12 are probably going to go down the tubes!

    Happy Belated New Year to all of our readers!  Off to Botswana!

    Being a Proud and Gratified Parent of a Parent

    Wednesday, December 14th, 2011

    Our dear friend Fatimah’ has been caring for her elderly parents for many years.  We thank her for sharing her experience with us.  Here is her story:

    FATIMAH'

    I offer my heartfelt congratulations to each of you—to each of us—for at some point on your journey, you may become a Proud & Gratified Parent of a Parent.  Ladies 50-plus, you are my sistah’s in many an unknown way.  Thus the subject and title of my first sharing with Oops 50!

    Yes, indeed, one of my highlights in life is having the honor of caring for my parent(s).  For those whose parents are still with us, I say again, “Congratulations!”  And, for the parents gone on, “Thank you!”  Some of my friends say that I have a lot to share regarding the honorable role of care-taking for a parent.  And I just might agree.  Here is my first 50cents on the subject.

    Over the years, I have had, and am still having, powerful transformative experiences through caring for both of my parents.  My mom (R.I.P) was challenged with dementia, but this little, yet extremely powerful lady was with us until she was 98.

    MY MOTHER

    My pape’ is still with me at the tender age of 105.  One thing that’s for sure – the role of parent is not an easy one.
    I have come to realize (considering my parents’ ways, ideas, beliefs, habits & histories) they did absolutely the very best they could for me.  From the time I was a little girl until high school, my mom and I had some moments, mainly to remind me that she was the boss, the goddess, the doer, the artist, the one who stuggled.  I now know that within those ‘who’s boss’ experiences, she was empowering me—by standing in her own power.  Little did I know then that her ground rules were roots for my survival – her creative gifts, food for my soul.  Her fierceness was my foundation for growth and empowerment.

     

    MY PAPE'

    My pape’, a gentle man indeed, has his ways, beliefs, history and experiences too.  Pape’ and I flow 97% of the time with ease.  The few confrontations we’ve had only began as he got older and realized that his physical self and gentlemanly ways were changing. His man-ness, too, was shifting.

    So, from then to now, what have I gained through the honorable role of being ‘A Proud & Gratified Parent of a Parent’ –that makes me congratulate myself…in gratitude?  I’ll start with some critical words for me:

    Allow, Trust, Remember, Stand,

    Give Choice, Be Responsible, Respect, Create Authenticity,

    Let go!

    (more…)

    On Hearing that our Daughter is Engaged

    Wednesday, December 7th, 2011

     Our oldest daughter, Lizzie, who is 24 years old, walked in the other night and announced that she and her boyfriend, Janson, had just gotten engaged!  We had a feeling this was coming.  (Janson had already told us both that he loved our daughter and was not going anywhere.) And yet, now that it has, I’m finding myself a little floored by the news.  I’ve been hearing voices in my head:  “She’s too young!”  “Do they know what they’re doing?”  “I’m too young for this!”  I feel as if I’ve aged overnight—and I’m not quite ready!

    It’s not that I’m not happy about the news—or that we think it’s happening too fast.  Lizzie met Janson last summer, and he’s a wonderful guy—with a great sense of humor—who has found his way easily right into our hearts.  She met him through a friend of hers—at a time when she was not expecting to meet anyone.  Isn’t that how it always happens?  And they hit it off instantly.  He seems perfect for Liz:  their temperaments are compatible; they love each other; they share many of the same values.  What more could we ask for?

    It’s just that, once all this happened—and after I’d come down from the cloud of excitement—I realized that maybe I wasn’t prepared for our baby girl to be taking this next step.  First of all, it seems impossible that she could be old enough.  After all, just a minute ago,  she was only four years old!  I keep thinking of “Fiddler on the Roof” and Tevye’s song: “Is this the little girl I carried?  Is this the little boy at play?  I don’t remember growing older.  When did they?”  How in the world did she get to be 24 so quickly?  And how in the universe could I be old enough to have a daughter old enough to get married? 

    How quickly these big, momentous things happen! I guess that’s the terrifying thing:  life is always faster-moving and less predictable than you think it is when you’re stuck down in the weeds, dealing with the day-to-day mess. In any case, it’s great.  They are great!  And I’m going to have a share a picture of the cute couple, so people can see how darling they are! 

     

     I’m sure I’ll get used to this soon.  I know one thing:  no matter how long it takes me, I’ll adjust sooner than Tom (my husband), who has been laid flat out on the floor!!

    Jane and Josie Are Going to Africa!!!!!!

    Wednesday, November 16th, 2011

    I didn’t think it would be possible.  I could not imagine how I could ever get there.  I had resigned myself (sorrowfully) to the idea that my daughter would be in Botswana for a year, and I would not get to see her—or to get any glimpse of her amazing new world.  We knew we couldn’t afford to bring her home for Christmas; and we didn’t see any way that we could get over there.  I was just going to have to stop worrying about her and accept the fact that I would not see her for nearly 10 months.

    Then, the miraculous happened.  First of all, I had a visit with my wonderful sisters at the beach, who all encouraged me to think creatively about getting there to see Becky.  My sister, Katie, told me about how people can donate frequent flyer miles to other people.  My other sisters talked about ways to raise money for the trip.  My youngest daughter, Josie, said she was determined to go, and, since she suspected I would not let her go by herself, she offered to pay for herself and for part of my trip out of her hard-earned babysitting money. 

    Africa, here we come!

    After I got back from the beach, my sister, Sheppie, sent me a donation in the mail, “for your trip.” That was just the beginning of a string of incredibly wonderful, generous acts by friends and family.  Here’s a summary:  my wonderful roommate from college, Cindy, donated her frequent flyer miles to me; my incredible mother-in-law, Henny, gave hers to Josie. 

    So, we knew we could get to Africa—and that we could even stop in Holland on the way to visit with family!  But we still had no idea how we could afford to do anything once we got there.  And then, the miraculous happened:  a friend of a friend of my husband’s, a wonderfully generous man who will remain nameless (in case he doesn’t want the publicity), offered us the use of his house and his car, for an extremely moderate fee, during our visit.  And, he told us how to see all the things we wanted to see—the elephants, the lions, the rhinos, etc.—without breaking the bank.  He told us about the out-of-the-way nature parks that tourists don’t usually visit.  He gave us tips about how to camp and cook your own food, instead of staying in luxury safari lodges.  As things turned out, he even designed a 9-page itinerary for us, with tips on all the little things we should know, such as which line to stand in for Customs, how much a taxi ride from the airport should cost, what to bring with us from the States, etc.  I consider him our Fairy Godfather for this trip—and this is a man that we will not even get the chance to meet in person, since he and his wife will be away on a cruise when we are in Botswana!!!! (more…)

    10 Thoughts on Learning that I am going to be a Grandmother!

    Thursday, November 10th, 2011

    JULIA

    My thoughts on learning that I am going to be a Grandmother are as follows:

    1. Blank.
    2. Blank.
    3. Gasp.  Breathe, girl!
    4. Searching…
    5. What will my new name (the name that will stick to me for the rest of my life on earth) be?  Please not anything with “aw” on the end.
    6. Am I really old enough for this to be happening to me? I knew my husband was getting older, but…
    7. She will love IT more than she loves me (pout).
    8.  How can SHE have a baby?  She’s still MY baby!
    9. Look at her.  Her face is shining.  I know that feeling…my face must look like my mother’s face did when I told her for the first time.
    10. I will love it instantly.  At first because it’s part of her.  Then just because I love it.
    11. Life has become infinitely more complicated–and interesting–in the last 7 seconds.

    Okay, so I had more than 10 thoughts in a row.  This doesn’t happen every day.  I just had to write them all!

    Julia Coward lives in Asheville, NC with her husband, in a house made entirely of dog hair.  She has held many varied and interesting  jobs in her career as a person, but her favorite has always been raising and caring for people and pets in all different ages and stages of life.  Plants have to fend for themselves.

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