Category Archives: Laugh Lines

The New Normal, the Oscars, and, I’m Happy!

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SADHVI

Have you noticed how a LOT of people are really into their smartphones these days?  I just got back from Las Vegas, and it was just so weird to see how many folks with their heads down, not relating to the people around them, but deeply into something apparetly very important on their phones.

While walking, waiting in line, eating dinner with other people…it feels not only weird, but sad.  It seems as if the need to escape the moment is so strong.  But wait, isn’t the moment all we have?

Being the curious type, I wanted to see what a table of 3 young men were looking at on their phones while eating.  They were playing games.  Oh, I see.  You’re on vacation and you are sitting with your father, or maybe it’s your grandfather, and you are playing a computer game.  No really, I get it, gaming is so much more important than actually relating.

The most curious thing was that the older man was just sitting there.  I guess it is just enough to be around the younger generation these days because you can’t say anthing: it is their New Normal!

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Watching the Oscars last night with a group of girlfriends was interesting too.  There were some questions that came up during the night, like, how old is Kim Novak, and did she have an accident or just really bad plastic surgery?  Instead of chatting around the group, there was one woman who had her smartphone with her, or should I say, “smart ass” phone, since that’s what these women were calling it, and she would find out the answers.  But while I found it kind of cool, since I haven’t been around this kind of thing before, it was also odd.  I was glad when Eileen spoke up at one point and said, “Hey, I kind of like having some mystery and discussion about things, don’t you all?  I had to agree.

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I had to stop and realize that I am from the time when there was more relating, people didn’t talk so fast, and there wasn’t SOMETHING to do every moment!  And while things ARE changing, and there are things that I don’t understand, it’s OK.

I will close with my favorite song from the Oscars, which did not win.  Oh well, it doesn’t matter, ‘cuz I’m HAPPY.

Sadhvi Sez: Saturday Night Live: Still Funny After All These Years

SADHVI

I really enjoy a good joke, or a good comedy skit, because I like to laugh.
I think me and my college roommates saw just about every “Saturday Night Live” show from the first one, which was in 1976 maybe, until we either graduated or dropped out of college.
That hour was the high point of our week. John Belushi, Dan Akroyd, Chevy Chase, Gilda Ratner, Bill Murray…all very funny and off-the-wall comedians doing skits that were mostly very funny, covering topics that no one wanted to tackle, or situations that were downright bizarre. The musical guests rocked too, and you just never knew who was going to be playing that week; it might be Carly Simon, it might be The Cars, it might be The Rolling Stones (with David Bowie popping in)!
Since I don’t own a TV, I wasn’t able to watch the season premier of Saturday Night Live (SNL) last night. But thanks to computers, I got a chance to watch the opening skit today. I just happened on it, while surfing the news.
I laughed out loud. I hope your week ahead is full of moments of laughter and feeling “wild and crazy”!

Ask Johanna: Husbands, Frustration, and Food Addiction

Dear Johanna,

My husband never seems to remember what I have said to him.  For instance, if I tell him I want him to take the garbage out, he nods his head and smiles at me, as if he knows what I’m saying and is going to jump right up and do my bidding.  But then, hours go by and the garbage is still sitting there, lonely.  How do I know if he is hard of hearing or has Alzheimer’s?

Ignored in Ithaca

Dear Ignored,

If  he doesn’t remember you telling him that dinner is on the table, he may need to get his ears checked.  If he wanders around the neighborhood in his boxer shorts, it’s Alzheimer’s.  If  he hears you when you tell him the game is starting on t.v. but doesn’t hear you when you ask him to unstop the toilet, he’s a man who has been married more than five years.

Dear Johanna,

Lately I am eating all the time.  I pig out at meals.  I sneak out for ice cream in the afternoon at work.  And, worst of all, I suddenly find myself standing in front of the refrigerator in the middle of the night, a bagel with cream cheese in one hand and Oreos in the other!  My husband is starting to say that I am  a food addict.  What do I do?

Fat in Florida

Dear Fat,

You go to your doctor right away and tell him/her you are not sleeping well and need Ambien.  Then you tell your husband you’ve been taking Ambien for the past few months, and apparently it has caused you to exhibit strange behaviors around food.  Works like a charm! 

Dear Johanna,

I am afraid I no longer love my husband, but I’m too tired to make any changes in my life.  I already have a separate bedroom.  I’ve told him we can’t communicate, so there is no use even trying to talk any more.  The other day, he fell down, and I kicked him–and felt no guilt.  Is this normal at my age?  I’m 65.

Anxious in Anchorage

Dear Anxious,

Your reactions may be a little extreme, but I get where you’re coming from.  I hear that in some cultures, once women are past childbearing age, they all live together happily–and boot the husbands out.  I don’t think that idea would fly in America, but I hear you, sister!  But no more kicking!  Just make him a “man cave” where he can go watch TV and drink beer while you hang out with girlfriends.  You’re much less likely to end up in jail!

Johanna

 

A Laugh for Friday: The Black Bra Joke

Jane

 

This joke was sent to me by Betsy, one of our contributors, and I just had to share it.  Apologies to all of you who have already heard it!!! 


(as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here’s how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, “You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.”

Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and a mask over my eyes.

When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.

When he came in the door and saw me he said,

(You’ll love this)

“What’s for dinner, Zorro?”

 

Laugh Lines: October 26th, 2011

A 56 year-old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near-death experience.

Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up?”

God answered, “No, you have another 40 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color.

Since she had so much more time to live, she thought she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit by a car and died immediately.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 40 years – why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the car?”

God replied, “I didn’t recognize you.”

WHITE BEACH MORNING GLORY