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A Laugh for Friday: The Black Bra Joke

Friday, December 2nd, 2011

Jane

This joke was sent to me by Betsy, one of our contributors, and I just had to share it. Apologies to all of you who have already heard it!!!

(as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here’s how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, “You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.”

Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and a mask over my eyes.

When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.

When he came in the door and saw me he said,

(You’ll love this)

“What’s for dinner, Zorro?”

Tags: funnyjokeswomen, oops50jokes, womenhumor, womenover50humor
Posted in Home, Humor, Laugh Lines | 2 Comments »

Laugh Lines: October 26th, 2011

Wednesday, October 26th, 2011

A 56 year-old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near-death experience.

Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up?”

God answered, “No, you have another 40 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color.

Since she had so much more time to live, she thought she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit by a car and died immediately.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 40 years – why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the car?”

God replied, “I didn’t recognize you.”

WHITE BEACH MORNING GLORY

Tags: funnyjokes, funnyjokeswomen, oops50humor, oops50jokes, oops50laughlines, womenover50jokes
Posted in Aging, Beautiful Women >50, Entertainment, Getting Older, Health, Humor, Laugh Lines, Main, Recuperation, Sadhvi Sez | 6 Comments »

Why I plant Zinnias

Friday, October 21st, 2011

Every autumn, it’s the same thing: it takes me a while to get used to the idea that all the leaves will fall from the trees, it’s going to get cold, and winter is coming.

I have never lived in a place where there were NOT four seasons, so why does it come as a shock each and every year?

Maybe it’s simply because I don’t like to be cold!

Here’s a joke that I find funny ever time I read it:

On a small iceberg, somewhere near the North Pole, a little bear goes up to his mother and asks, “Mom, what kind of bear am I?”

“You are a polar bear, son,” replies his mother.

“Are you sure I am not a brown bear?” he asks.

“Quite sure, son,” she replies, “you are a polar bear.”

But the little bear is not satisfied. “Mom,” he says, “maybe I am a grizzly bear?”

“What are you asking these questions for, son?” asks his mother. “You are a polar bear.”

So the little bear walks across the iceberg to his father.

“Pop,” he says, “am I a panda bear?”

“No, son,” says the father, “you are a polar bear.”

“Not a koala bear?” asks the baby bear.

“No, you are a polar bear,” says his father. “Why are you asking all these questions?”

“Because,” moans the little bear, “I’m cold!”

So postponing the inevitable is why I like to have as many Zinnia’s around me as possible. They seem to continue to bloom and flower until the first hard frost, which around here can be in November. They require nothing more than putting some seed in the ground once the Spring frosts are behind, and then continue to sow some in little corners until mid-Summer. Oh, and deadhead when needed, saving the spent flowers to use for next year’s blooms.

Remembering to do this is not hard, once you’ve experienced the joy of their colorful blooms.

Wishing you Well,

Sadhvi

Zinnias from a few days ago!

Tags: elderblogs, eldergardeners, SadhviZinnias, theloveofzinnias, women's humor, womenbloggersover50, womencronegardeners, womengardeningover50, womenwritersonthenet, womenwritersover50
Posted in Aging, Beautiful Women >50, Entertainment, Gardening, Getting Older, Home, Humor, Journey, Laugh Lines, Living, Love, Main, Relationships, Sadhvi Sez | 3 Comments »

Sadhvi Asks: Who is behind Maxine?

Friday, October 14th, 2011

MAXINE'S JOHN WAGNER

Maxine can still crack me up. Like her, there was always someone around in the family who called a spade a spade. In the “politically correct” times we’ve been living in, and now, where EVERYTHING IS AWESOME, I can appreciate Maxine’s character even more. Because most of the people who used to be like her are gone. And I know I should watch Jon Stewart, but I don’t have a TV.

The other day while at the market, I saw a young girl, maybe 11 or 12 years old, hugging a colorful book to her chest. I asked her if I could see the title of the book. It was, The Book of Awesome. Her mother was behind her, and I asked what the book was about? She said that every kid is reading it, and her daughter just loves it. Nothing wrong with love, but this book even has its own Wikipedia page. Now how weird is that? What a peculiar thing, that there is a book written for people to read, about things like:

Snow Days, Bakery Air, Finding Money in Your Pocket and Other Simple, Brilliant Things

I wonder what Maxine is gonna have to say about it?

Hey, I might actually read this New York Times bestseller and start to wear a t-shirt with the cover on the front, and start carrying the book around, hugging it!

So who is the person behind Maxine’s character? The following is taken from the Hallmark website:

John Wagner, Hallmark artist since 1970, says Maxine was inspired by his mother, his maiden aunts and his grandmother, the woman who bought him art lessons when “fill in the pumpkins” was about the extent of his art classes at St. John ‘s Catholic School in Leonia, New Jersey.

When Hallmark launched the Shoebox card line back in 1986, nobody knew that the crabby character gracing the covers of a few cards would become a celebrity. It didn’t take long for Maxine’s irreverent quips about aging, the workplace, retirement, political correctness, and of course sex (or the lack of it) had struck a cord.

“If Maxine can get a laugh out of someone who feels lonely or someone who is getting older and hates the thought of another birthday, or if she can make someone chuckle about stressful interpersonal relationships, then I’m happy. Putting a smile on someone’s face is what it’s all about.”

Why the name ‘Maxine’?

“People at Shoebox started referring to the character as “John Wagner’s old lady”, and I knew that would get me into trouble with my wife,” John says. So the Shoebox team had a contest among themselves to name the character and three of the approximately 30 entries suggested “Maxine”. John says the name is perfect. He’s also humbled by such acceptance of Maxine, and admits he’s proud of her.

So now you know!

Enjoy,

Sadhvi

Tags: elderwomenblogs, JohnWagnerMaxine, maxine, maxinehumor, sadhvisezmaxine, women over fifty, women's humor, womenbabyboomers, womenblogs
Posted in Aging, Art, Entertainment, Humor, Laugh Lines, Main, Products, Sadhvi Sez | 2 Comments »

Sadhvi’s Weekly Post: It’s High Time for a Joke!

Friday, August 26th, 2011

SADHVI

It’s been an intense time on the planet this past week. Mercury is still retrograde, but will finally be going direct tomorrow. Then there was an earthquake that was pretty severe on the east coast. Whoa! While we’re being told it’s not unusual, being from the east coast, I can say that it is. And while I’m thinking about it, does anyone see any cause and effect with the incredible amount of high-powered blasting through the shale in the ground, otherwise known as fracking, to get to all that natural gas under the shale, in order to create a huge pipeline through some of the poorest areas of America, and this earthquake?

OH MORNING GLORY!

If you’ve clicked on the link to the word “earthquake” above, you will see an ad from Exxon-Mobil before the CNN clip, on the “safety” of fracking. I know I felt better after watching some executive from that company tell me in a soft and smooth voice that it’s all done very safely. I mean, how could blasting through shale with high-pressure, chemical-filled water (that is being taken from – where?) do anything to the earth. I wonder if maybe Mother Nature is getting back.

Now there’s this huge, and in the words of President Obama, “historical” hurricane Irene, that looks really scary that is about to hit the eastern coast. I know, I know, we’re not supposed to talk about stuff like that…sorry! It’s just kind of intense looking!

But it was also wonderfully thrilling to eat the first of the second batch of raspberries from my garden this week, and the many very ripe figs off our tree (thank you Judi for your tip on how to increase the yield last fall – it worked!), to smell the intoxicating fragrance of the kudzu flowers, and roses still blooming. And it’s always very good to spend time with our 11 hens, all named after my mom, Sally.

KUDZU FLOWER

HERITAGE RASPBERRY'S

INSIDE MY FIG TREE

And a good laugh is always welcome, so here’s a joke that I had never heard before, that cracked me up.

Enjoy!

Sadhvi

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The immediate silence in the entire bar is almost tangible. In a deep voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it’s only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know a few things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde woman.

3. I am 6 feet tall, weigh 195 pounds, and have a black belt in karate, and am a natural blonde.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter. And lastly, the lady to your right is also blonde and a well-known professional wrestler. Now, think about it for a moment, Cowboy, do you really want to tell that blonde joke?”

The blind cowboy thinks for a few seconds, shakes his head, and mutters, “No, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”