I took one of those online tests today, you know the kind. You go to a website (in this case, it’s www.realage.com, you can try it yourself). Apparently it has been recommended by both Dr. Oz AND Oprah Winfrey, so it must be good, right? You answer a whole bunch of questions about your health, habits, diet, fitness, and relationships. Then they send you a “Personalized Real Age and Plan to Improve” (assuming that most of us are “older” than our real age, based on the kinds of good living questions included on the test. NO ONE can truthfully answer them all “correctly.”)
Anyhow, I was pleased to be able to report that I ALWAYS wear seat belts, my parents stayed together until I was at least 18, I quit smoking 40 years ago and I don’t get secondhand smoke, I’ve had my pneumonia vaccine, I eat lots of fruits and veggies, and I do some moderate amount of exercise and a bunch of other good stuff, too.
Of course, I also have metastatic cancer, have a BMI over 28, take more than 5 prescription drugs, and don’t go to church once a week. And those things must count for a BUNCH of bad points, because, ladies and gentlemen, RealAge has calculated, for my personal use and benefit, that while my actual age is 69.1 years, my REAL AGE is 91.6!
Yes, that’s right, ninety-one point six. I’m as old as my neighbor Mr. Bradburn who still tills and plants a big garden every year and chops his own wood to heat his house. And who, by the way, also mows my grass—for free. So how bad can 92 be? Well, bad, because he also suffers from all kinds of ailments, so can you imagine what his Real Age would be?
Boy, RealAge really knows how to encourage a gal. My Real Age is 20+ years more than my chronological age, and the best they can do with suggestions for improvement is to lose weight, watch those drug interactions, and eat more complex carbohydrates! Hot diggity dog.
Big help, they are. And if I do all those things, I can bring my Real Age down to 85. Yea!!!
I tell you one thing, I’m going to think twice before taking any more of those online questionnaires. It’s just too depressing, and that’s not good for my health. Although, come to think of it, I’m doing pretty darn well for a 92 year old!