Jane
Now that I’ve reached my ”goal weight,” I was thinking this morning that things would be a lot easier if I were still back on an all-liquid diet. At least then I knew exactly what I had to eat and when. Now that I’m out here in the real world of eating and have scaled the mountain, I have to confess that I feel sometimes like someone who is balanced precariously on a very sharp, pointy peak, with extremely dramatic cliffs on both sides. If I stay obsessive about counting calories and adding up steps walked, I could keep losing weight—maybe more than I want to–and I could quickly become bored to death. If I start feeling that I can eat whatever I want, when I want it, I could quickly gain weight and be right where I started. I know I’m a food addict, but can’t a girl have a little fun?
People come up to me and say things like, “Can you eat now?” and I don’t know how to answer them. Yes, I can eat, but I’m no longer comfortable eating. I haven’t gotten any sort of rhythm down. I don’t trust my inner voices. One minute I’m feeling that the world is wide open to me; the next I’m thinking I’d better head for a 12-step program. (more…)
